Ventomology

Hello! Buggiedude2340 here to review! So first: some clean up is necessary. Check your commas and periods and spelling because I found more than a few mistakes. For example, (and ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS! I hope you will feel welcome here! Down to business: You really need to clean up here. Read it aloud to fix verb tense mistakes and ...

Hello! I'm here to review you! First off, welcome to YWS, I hope you can feel like part of the community soon! In the second sentence, I would have worded ...

Ooh! The fire returns! I love it when writers connect events to past ones. I think this would have actually been fine without the prologue. Then we would have had ...

Hello, welcome to YWS! Now down to business: 'Vixen' refers to a female, just so you know... This chapter is really short, and I think you could have gone somewhere ...

Thanks for reviewing me earlier! Let's see... You have an interesting premise here, and given the background you gave us earlier, I know you already have most of the story ...

Thanks for your review from earlier! Let's get down to business: You tell us before you start that you're worried about detail, and that's totally reasonable. I think this one ...

I'm back, and more evil than ever! First, clean up. You have some missing and extra commas, as well as comma splices. (Don't worry though, commas are sometimes hard to ...

Hello, Buggiedude2340 here! I'll start with my criticism: You're kind of over-doing it on the background and detail here. I mean, they're not bad things, but it gets boring to ...

Ooh, that was a nice plot twist! I definitely didn't see this coming. In the beginning, when she is thinking about the current pharaoh, you said "Who is that woman ...

Oh my, those poor children... Anyways, there wasn't much that happened in this one. I have a feeling you're setting everything up and we'll see all the pieces connect eventually, ...

Congratulations on using the correct suffix for Anzai-dono! Before I start flooding you with compliments, allow me to point out a few funky bits I found. First, in the later ...

Hello! I'm Buggiedude2340, and I'm here to review! First, you might want to clean up a little. You forget your spaces between sentences sometimes, and you're missing commas here and ...

In that last sentence, I wouldn't use the word infer. "Infer" connotes thoughts, not speaking. You're still doing great with your present tense! (I usually slip into past about three ...

Uh... Well... I guess it's a little slower than I would have liked. Just foreshadowing and all that. So... Your paragraph about never dying was a little mellow for someone ...