Diamonds In the Mist Chapter 1 [Super WIP]

Before you read this a little background you see I have been off and on working on this story since I was 16, with over 6 versions of the first chapter, after many re-makes I went back to the first sick of all the remakes to find....it's tolerable. But not nearly as good as it should be, so I ask you, look at it, look at it and write down and point out every mistake you see, every awkward phrase. I need to clean this thing as best I can. Otherwise I will be stuck in a loop of re-makes.

***

“Hurry up!” Adelina, my Wikins step-sister yelled, “Mom said to come now!”

“Coming!” I yelled back, closing a massive book, its pages almost as old as the room I lived in. A relic of a place claimed to have existed long before the mist claimed our world. Just recently the Decons created something they decided to call “school,” claiming it would help increase our health and ability. I wonder if such an annoying thing existed back then, in those legends of heroes that the Decons teach us of.

“Are you coming or not!” Adelina repeated while marching up the steps. I quickly put the book away and pretended to be looking for something.

“I’m trying to find my sword!” I yelled, my back to her as she opened my door. Her face was thin and defined on a body that looked like a five year old human, wearing a dress of rags. Adelina was a Wikin, magical humanoids who from birth to old age always looked like little kids. I was the step child to a family of them. Thanks to being very skilled with magic, they can masterfully heal and summon elements, thus most become medics or magic fighters. As I happened to be human, and incapable of shooting fire balls from my hands, my step-parents taught me about medicine and at the same time, the strange Wikin called Vogt trained me in the use of weapons. Out of all my mentors, Vogt was, for some reason, always there.

“You Humans and your weapons, you could at least learn to hold onto them.” Adeline said, waving her staff; a gold plated tool almost four feet taller than she was. Back then I never wondered how she was able to carry it.

“Found it!” I said, receiving a minor joy of pulling it out from under my bed.

“Then hurry up!” She said “The festival starts soon.”

I really don’t know how your village might have done it, but mine made a spectacle of it when diamond hunters chose to retire, something very rare for them to do it willingly. A festival was thrown with games and food, and stories. Then near the end of the ceremony each hunter looked among the groups of children who have reached proper age. I had just reached it that year, and so had Adelina. I could understand why she was so eager; a Wikin was always picked.

“Can’t you go on your own?” I said, “It’s not like they would ever pick me.”

“Mom said you’re coming,” Adelina said, “And it’s not like it’s impossible for you to be chosen. Remember your friend Vogt? If you show off enough you could be a leader!"

"You could call us friends…he has shown me quite a bit about leading and fighting...but I in all honesty I’m not sure we are." I said. Vogt was a oddity even to his closest friends. He laughed at random moments; he somehow learned how to tame most of the monsters of this mist riddled world, and what was worse or at least the most unconformable quality was how he always was smiling with this dark grin, causing his eyes to almost seem closed.

"Don't you always hang out with him on resting days?" She said bonking me on the head.

"It's more like he finds me and makes me train with him," I said, thinking back to last time when a baby Roc was flying around just out of the reach of the diamond's blessing, and how Vogt gave the Roc commands as if it were a loyal pet.

"That's perfect, he might have been planning to give you the role to begin with!" While she said it in a nice enough way, I doubt she honestly thought that, or at least, she figured she was more likely then me. "How about this? We make a game out of impressing them into voting for us as the replacements?" Ah the plan to get me out appears, shame she didn't think up anything more exciting.

"I don't know, I guess it's better than homework." I said, looking back to the book that was laying in a opening in my desk, I was starting to get into the story.

"Deal set, no call back, if your not out then moms not after me!" Adelina said running down the stairs.

"I'm not too going to try!" I yelled down.

"As long as you move my job is done!" She yelled back. I sighed and walked down the steps, my sister was already long gone. Vogt was at the door smiling and looking up, the ram horn staff he was holding looked almost threatening. Vogt was, to put it lightly, a bag of flesh; age did not do well to someone who was forced to live life about as tall and thin as a five year old for fifty years. It amazed me sometimes how he seems to change with each appearance. The last time I saw him he looked older.

"Well this party is a bit bigger then I remember last time," Vogt said.

"I would not know, I was not alive back then." I said in reply, looking at the village, a dead suburb as school had told me. This was a wealth of technology at one time, machines running at all hours of the night making it so bright that the stars tried to hid away from them. Now the place many centuries latter was rotten, half the buildings patch works of wood and nails, shreds of color clinging to what original sections still stand. One house near the center of our village was crushed for a special massive bowl, large enough to hold a ponds worth of water it was the reason our land was protected, cut diamond, piled on and eventually fusing as it melts like wax into a pillar. With today's celebration the diamond pillar is at the center, music and fireworks going even in the mid-summer sun.

The village it not much older then maybe four generations, started by a groups of retired diamond hunters and their families, the call for adventure still pulling at their old bodies. I was told this village was almost dead till a army of orphaned children were marched into the village along with a Decon school teacher, the home she left in flames and its diamond too weak to protect its people. I was told I was one of these orphans.

"I would like you to meet someone, come with me." Vogt said smiling, as he walked out of the shadows, and into the crowd. I hesitantly followed. Adelina's voice echoing through the crowd, she was dancing for Sophia and Rothstein, showing off as if dancing while throwing magic balls of water into the sky would impress them. For all I know there might have been ropes around their feet just so that Adelina could get more time to show them her very limited list of tricks.

"There you are." Vogt said just as I got through the first line of people, "I thought I lost you already, come now."

"So..." I said trying to make conversation. "Why are you guys retiring?"

"Iasion has changed, he is...changing, I can explain it when you’re older," Vogt said "but that is not what I am planning to show you." He would not reply to any more questions as we talked, the sounds of games and children drowning out the very few replies he gave. Every time I started to get a conversation out of him a fire work went off and he suddenly started pushing me faster along.

"Are we there yet?" I yelled as we reached the edge of the diamond’s blessing, just outside a thick purple mist was pushing against the invisible shield that the diamond provided. When I am near it, it's almost hard to believe in, as if a plastic shell has been placed over the village. When younger I remember with some children I played several dare games purely about that invisible wall, luckily none of us were brave enough to stick a hand through.

" Elletta," Vogt said, "Stop playing in the fountain for a second." A girl suddenly appeared, looking around the same age as Adelina. She was a Wikins, and like Vogt she held a staff of bone, gems and a uncut diamond adorning it. That staff was the only thing that made me think of her as anything other than a five year old human, most of them make it like all Wikins are from a race of immortal children, then you see the ones over fifty like Vogt, and suddenly they all just look like those mythical elves, thin and tiny, so elegant and fancy, yet age is just as cruel.

"I wasn't playing in the fountain I was thirsty," Elletta said, "I was planning to play that new game the Decons found, Chess."

"Yes, you can worry about historical games later. I have been meaning to introduce you to this boy here." Vogt said while pushing his staff against my back.

"I figured I knew most of the people of this village," I said feeling the pain of the ram horns against my spine, pushing me at Elletta, who was simply laughing faintly at my struggles.

"I normally stay with a roaming merchant family when father is gone, so I am never really here," She said.

"Who's your father then?" I asked.

"The man stabbing you in the back right now," Elletta said.

" Elletta, tell Zack of your new job." Vogt said.

"Rothstein said I am going to take his position as medic of the diamond hunters for this village," Elletta said as Vogt waved his hand, "I don't know what else you want father."

"Oh nothing, now that you two have been introduced," Vogt said taking the staff off my back. "I’ll let the two of you have fun." He said before disappearing into the crowd.

"A strange old man," I said rubbing my back.

"I am guessing he plans to make you the leader?" Elletta said.

"How would I know what the coot is thinking," I muttered. A group of children cheered near the fountain, encircling a center child with a large toy in his arms.

"Which of the merchant families have you been living with?" I ask after about a minute of silence.

"The Brandt family," Elletta said. "They are nice enough, but I am not really a fan of how some of the merchandise is gained."

"How’s that?" I asked.

"Dryad wood, loose a few friends every time they go…" Elletta said, "You know the protectors who are born with a tree, dryads. The Monsters from the mist who are fire proof." Dryads were monsters who took on the form of humans, drawing people into the mist with a haunting song and their own naked flesh, killing those who got too close, to feed their blood hungry trees.

"Viridis, all that death for a few coins." Elletta muttered more to herself, as a Decons boy jumped over her, his foot hooking on her staff knocking himself down to the ground.

"Hey!" The boy yelled looking back in my direction, and then ran off again. Being human has that effect on Decons; their mothers told how blood thirsty we Humans were; red skinned people like me seemed to just enforce that idea. (You didn't think I was always pale and coated in scars did you?) Luckily ideas like that rarely hung around in places where the schools mixed the races together.

"So now what?" I asked, "Will they tell what happened to Amidio? Now that I think about it, isn't he normally following Vogt around?"

"Dad said they had to leave him behind, “Elletta paused and looked downwards, “they won't tell me anything else about it," She seemed confused as if something was wrong with what she had said.

"Come now!" A voice said, Vogt clearly laughing, "Humans are an ugly lot, but no need to be scared of them." A Decons girl was pushed at us and tripped over me, ending up falling on Elletta Aleta.

"Well hello there," Elletta said pinned under the Decons weight. It was Zofia, the teacher’s aid. She was the one who made me read that massive old book. She finally lifted herself off of Ellett.

"I said I already know him," Zofia said, "and to stop jabbing me in the back."

"Then you need to get to know him better," Vogt said walking away again.

"Stupid old man, pushing around good citizens...the Wikins finally starting to act his age, old and forgetful, blast him." Zofia said to herself.

"Well why were you pushed among us?" I asked.

"I have no idea why. He told me that he wanted me to 'get to know Zack'," Zofia said, "I already know you, the lazy student who keeps forgetting his book assignment.

"That? Oh I just forgot it, it’s all done." I said a bit too quickly, scratching the back of my head as a poor cover, remembering how I had just started reading when my sister had called for me.

"Is that right?"

"Yes, yap, anyway,” I stood back up and looked into the dense crowd. "Why are we being gathered?" I asked as I patted my rear; a coating of dirt fell off my stitched up clothes, a sting of the stitching ripping in the process.

"I believe that Vogt is 'introducing' the new team of Diamond hunters," Zofia said sure of herself.

"Isn't that supposed to be a surprise?" I heard Elletta say, confused. "Why would Dad be pushing us all up together early."

"Dad?" Zofia said, "So Vogt picked his own daughter to lead the Diamond hunters?"

"No, I was picked by Rothstein," Elletta retorted before Zofia let out a rather foul word.

"Oh," Zofia muttered. “Anyway, there are enemy’s in that mist, creatures of the dark eager to rip out a hunters gullet long before their ready, surly this was a precaution.”

"There we go," Vogt said suddenly, shoving an Astroes at me and knocking me back on my rear;his spiked metal hair close enough to almost impale my forehead.

"Not fun," the Astroes said, pulling himself up. "What was that fo-," He stopped once he noticed that Vogt had disappeared, and I was groaning under his weight. He wasn’t fat, and like most of his race pretty short, but pointy armor plates tend to help add some pounds.

"Sorry about that," He said pushing himself off me.

"As long as you don't head butt me I'm fine." I said, taping my forehead, a spot of blood tinkling down.

"Fantasic," the Astroes said, poking his metallic spikes adorning his head, the points standing out sharply in all directions.

"So what’s your name?" Zofia asked.

"Aurelius," He said taking on a heroic pose, "The golden one!" Only Zofia clapped, and she did it as dramatically as possible.

"Yes revile in the splendor of my, amazing name, gasp and feel my vitriolic heroism" Aurelius said switching poses as he went.

"You’re one mean hero then?" Zofia muttered then said out loud. “What’s your job?”

"Achilles the defender of the group...or at least Vogt has told me. I….really haven't seen him around," Aurelius said. "What about you guys?"

"Medic, Rothstein," Elletta said.

"Map reader, travels recorder, Sophia," Zofia said seeming annoyed to have not announced herself first.

"No idea," I said, shrugging, "Probably just here because Vogt wants to mess with me."

"Well you have confidence in yourself," Aurelius said.

“I do my best." I said.

"What is left but Leader, and defender? Our, final say, Vogt was your teacher and guide, and like those who granted our jobs, a friend. If not that then he has a rather annoying sense of humor, and there is nobody I would wish more to remove from the group then you." Ada said, tapping her foot on the ground probably proud of herself, "Where is Vogt? I want to place a complaint."

"Noted," I said. "I am sure this all works like an office."

"Please stop," Elletta said, pointing behind me, "Also…. Zack, you might want to move."

"What?" I said just in time to turn the way she was pointing as another Astroes, who knocked me over like Aurelius had. I think I was even hit in the same spot of the head with one of her metallic spiked hairs, the prick becoming a proper stab at this point.

"Pain," The Astroes yelled.

"Nice to meet you," Elletta said, as if ignoring what had just happened.

"You to," The Astroes said as she pushed herself off of me.

"Fighter?" Zofia asked.

"Yap, names Kartua." She said pushing back her metal hair, a faint screeching coming out of them as they rubbed together, her spiked metal hair settling back, save for a few hairs.

"Well the gangs all here," Aurelius said, "Now when do I get my heroic nick-name?"

"I think, 'the golden one', is rather fitting, don't you think?" Vogt said materializing, his hand resting carelessly in Aurelius's spiked hair, funny given Vogt was four feet shorter, his arm propped up awkwardly.

"I don't know, gold is not really fitting for a silver haired low blood." Zofia said pushing her way into the conversation.

"Dad," Aleta asked, "Isn't the choosing of the diamond hunters supposed to be a surprise event?"

"These things are always planned well out in advance," Vogt replied cheerfully, "It gives us time to train them up a bit to make sure that the people we send out are not completely useless."

"Then why tell people it's a surprise?" Ada asked.

"There are some places that once did that. But even though the children at times had greater skill than you all have now, most ended useless and stuck up," Vogt replied, "Also we can't let word get out to the monsters. We don't want them getting at the chosen ones before they can defend themselves, can we?"

"I see," Zofia said.

"Anyway, I need to head back before people start to wonder where I am, and in the meantime you need to head to the 'Make-shift Inn'," Vogt said. The Make-Shift Inn was a massive temporary structure that some merchants would sometimes open up; a canvas tent reaching far above the roof tops of some of our highest buildings.

"Dad, why would we need to worry about the monsters?" Elletta asked.

"Your room will be set when you get there," Vogt said, letting go of Aurelius’ head.

"You mean 'rooms' right?" Zofia said, "I will not share a room with Zack."

"Hello, father, daddy, da- da…" Elletta said a little louder.

"If you want a room of your own, you will have to pay the viridis yourself. Inns will only offer one free room for diamond hunters," Vogt said shrugging.

"Hello!" Elletta yelled.

"Yes?" Vogt looked at his daughter, his eyes glazed over.

"Dad, you told me monsters die whenever they try to get into a diamond blessed area. So how could they be a problem?" Elletta asked.

"You will figure it out," Vogt said as he disappeared into the crowd, his voice being drowned out by all the voices. "We will call for you when the announcements are made, till then, it is better you stayed in the room reserved for you.