Ventomology

I almost feel like this could be a story all by itself, but it's just a prologue! I really want to see where you take this. Anyways, since this is ...

Very interesting... Can I assume that something else will happen that involves a different (but still actually the old guy) person? Um... The line right after mentioning the newspaper is ...

Hello! Buggiedude2340 here to review! First, just tiny bit of clean-up is needed. You forgot the punctuation at the end of some of your dialogue. Also, when using possessive adjectives ...

Yay! You're back! Oh how we've missed you! Onto the the review. Something about the flow of time seems off... She should be in her thirties or late twenties by ...

Ha ha! I knew I'd seen this around before. Glad to see someone has the courage to repost things. (I'm terrible about that) Anyways... Let me be blunt: it's wordy. ...

Hm... I like this. It's very unique. Oh, and before I forget, welcome to YWS! Now then, onto the business at hand! I think some clean-up is due. It's not ...

Hm... There are a lot of possibilities for this one... I'm curious to see where you will take it. First things first: Clean-up is necessary. Remember to start a new ...

Ooh, exciting. I love the suspense and mystery behind this bit. Well, there aren't any grammatical errors that I saw. I would put some variation in the length of the ...

Oh, the suspense! You have a way with such things, don't you? Now then, I don't really have much to criticize, but here's what I got: It's very wordy. I ...

Hello, welcome to YWS! First off, I like the premise you introduced in the blurb; It's super cool and unique! And now for tear-apart: I found only two grammatical/composition mistakes. ...

Oh my. That's rather morbid. Okay then... First, your dialogue is a little stiff. In English, we tend to use every contraction possible and we add in words to lessen ...

Woo, hello there and welcome to YWS! A few tips: I noticed a lot of grammar and tense mistakes. Read your piece aloud when you're editing to straighten those out. ...

Oh goodness. I love dystopian fiction. Well then, first things first: Clean up is necessary. They aren't super obvious things that you'd pick out by rereading it in your head, ...

Well, uh... Since this piece is so long, I'll only be reviewing the first three chapters. Please keep in mind for the future that your chapters are separate, and if ...

Hello! I'm back! First, though you got better later in the chapter, the beginning was cluttered with too many adjectives and adverbs that could have been left out. I believe ...