Fatewriter - Prologue

by TriSARAHtops

Published January 8, 2014

In Lonely Chapters

June 1st, 1901

The old man sighed. Yes, that was what he was, an old man. He wouldn’t last much longer, not in this world anyway. That curse had been placed on him at birth, as it had many others before him. Never dying, not truly. Just passing from world to world, dying and being reborn. He knew that this wasn’t the world he had been born into. They had told him that when he was little more than a boy. They had told him that he had a gift, that he was special. He hadn’t had a clue what they had been talking about, then. But after that memories had awoken. They weren’t his own, he had thought, but as more memories kept coming, he knew that they were. He had done so much, and it felt as if he had had the mind of an old man inside the body of a boy. For the memories were many, and it was too much for him at the age he was.

Now, as the years had passed, he was an old man completely, and there were now even more memories to stack onto the pile.

He had dreamt last night, and that was always a bad thing. Dreams for him meant that something big was going to happen.

The dream had been of a boy, still quite young. His clothes woke a faint memory, but not from this world.

The boy had stood near a girl, also dressed in an odd manner. She would have been shunned if she had been seen wearing such a thing on the streets in his world. Her clothes were black, as was her hair, which she wore down. She wore pants, which to him, was a disgrace.

She had said something, and the old man had marvelled at how beautiful her voice was. It was a voice of power, the type of voice that could change time.

As she spoke, the boy pulled something out of his pocket. It was pencil. The boy had begun to write something on a sheet of paper that the girl gave him, but the dream had ended.

As he reminisced about the dream, the old man’s hand struck something in his draw. It was a pencil, the same as the one the boy had held in the dream. Could there be a significance?

The man looked at the sapphire sphere, his most prized possession. Sometimes he saw things in it. They had given it to him, all those years ago, when the memories came, when he learned that he wasn’t human.

Today nothing showed in it.

Twirling the pencil in his fingers, the man felt himself fall into a trance.

He knew that his time on this world was up. How many times had this happened? Four? Five? Perhaps it had happened a hundred times.

But after he died, his body would vanish. That would make an interesting story on the newspaper. Nothing much happened in this sleepy town, and the newspaper had little in it.

He would have just vanished. No body, that was the curse. Friends and loved ones not knowing what had happened.

It wouldn’t matter so much for him. He had no family, and was a recluse. No one would miss him.

But what would his next life be? Where would he live?

Then he decided, no. He wouldn’t have a next life. He remembered the pencil in his hand. This could be his saviour.

He began to write, in a language that no one on Earth spoke, that even he didn’t know. It was the language of magic, some would call it.

When he finished, he dropped the pencil, and heard it clatter onto the floor. With that, he took his last breath, and vanished into nothing.

Comments & reviews · 5
ConverseFireGirl wrote a review Review · Jan 11, 2014

This was amazing. As this is a prologue, I am very interested as to seeing how you continue it from here, and start the chapters which are to follow.
First line is captivating: Check.
Last line is intriguing: Check.
Story line has potential: Check.
Readers wants to know more: Check.
You're ticking all the boxes here and I congratulate you, good work, and I can't suggest anything that others haven't already but good work. I can't wait to read more! :D
-CFG

Wow, thank you! I am a bit surprised at all this positive feeedback as it was so long ago that I wrote it. I'm glad you liked it.

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Kalder
Review
Kalder wrote a review Review · Jan 9, 2014

I realize the this is a prologue but I still have so many questions about this old man. That's not me criticizing I think it's important to leave the reader with some questions in their head. From my point of view i can't see anything wrong with the story except for the whole pencil thing. It raises some concern within me about what kind of role the pencil will play in the future. Will it be a weapon or a magical item of some sort or is it just a pencil? All the same I guess I will just have to read the next chapter to find out.

Thank you very much! :-)

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Shannon
Review
Shannon wrote a review Review · Jan 9, 2014

Hi there! I really like this story and I think you should continue with it. To me though it seemed like it was all moving very fast. Maybe add a little dialogue or more detail on the world he just vanished from, was it earth? I liked the mysticism and that I could feel the agony of the old man who is trapped in his curse. Hmm funny when I read this, I immediately thought of Doctor Who. Lol. Last thing I would suggest is to re read through it a few more times, because i saw a few weird sentence endings and grammatical errs. For ex: "As she spoke, the boy pulled something out of his pocket. IT WAS PENCIL." ? Overall though it's a fantastic beginning with very few rough spots that can be fixed. Hope you publish a follow up chapter soon! Have a great day. :D

Thanks!
I never made the Doctor Who connection til now. Mindblown.

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Kanome
Review
Kanome wrote a review Review · Jan 9, 2014

Hello, TriSARAHtops.

Kanome here, ready to review! x3

First of all, I love the beginning of the story. It really captured my attention greatly.
I liked the imagery in the first paragraph. I can see it actually happening and everything!

I also liked the ending of the story, especially:

He began to write, in a language that no one on Earth spoke, that even he didn’t know. It was the language of magic, some would call it.


I don't know why, it just sounded kind of cool to me. The last sentence, or the very ending, made me sad. Because he vanished into thin air, meaning you left suspicion for your readers.

Well, keep up the good work! Can't wait to read more x3

Thank you very much

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Ventomology
Review
Ventomology wrote a review Review · Jan 9, 2014

Very interesting... Can I assume that something else will happen that involves a different (but still actually the old guy) person?
Um... The line right after mentioning the newspaper is strange. Are we to think that this is what the old man thinks will be in the newspaper?
You have a few extra commas scattered around... (Ex: When he finished, he dropped the pencil and heard it clatter onto the floor. With that, he took his last breath and vanished into nothing. You only need commas before those conjunctions if it's a list, or if you restate the subject. Like, He dropped the pencil, and he heard it clatter onto the floor.)
You could use just a little more detail. I 'd like to know where the old man is, what his house (if I'm correct) is like when he dies. Do the boards creak? Is it dusty? Things like that.
Other than that, awesome! You have an effective vocabulary being put to use, and the idea is quite intriguing. I hope to catch this story again!



Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.
— George Orwell, 1984