VampX13

As with everyone else, I can't even begin to critique this but can only stand in awe and gape at its wonderment. What did I like? Just about everything. The ...

Wow. I really liked this. I suggest you consider questioning some of your fragments, for flow-sake. Consider using a semi-colon or comma sometimes, instead of fragmenting; although, I do understand ...

This is adorable and well thought out. I commend you. Although... I do believe it belongs in the poetry section. It seems very free-versy. Still good, though. But more good ...

Hmm. It was a really well done for your first try and the scene you write out has a very natural movement, in means of visualising. But I'm going to ...

This piece needs to be cleared up a bit. I might suggest on describing what is going on, where it is happening, etc. Also you might want to continue working ...

Work more on your flow. Don't pay too much attention to detail. Specifying how long the lady stayed awake for seems awkward considering the way you write. Something more appropiate ...

It has a really good rhythm to it. Something that would nice for spoken word or lyrics. And it certainly makes you think, doesn't it? It's short but to the ...

Needs spacing and I would suggest using past tense. Make the dialogue clearer by adding some this-person-saids, etc. Interesting idea, though. Plus I love the way the Greek Gods/Godesses interact ...

I really liked that actually and I'm quite eager to read the next installment. I have a question though: is this meant to be working towards a novel? Is this ...

Very nice start. A few words of advice from myself would be to slow down with introducing the character, let the reader get to know them a bit more and ...

I like it. Reminds me of a cast party and my sometimes dearly pathetic boyfriend. However there are a few things that need tidying. Sometime it's overly descriptive. I would ...

Well the plot seems like it's in an interesting one. It got my attention. However I think you could establish the setting a bit more. Take some time to describe ...

I like the idea. And I think your inspiration seems true but perhaps you should let it flow more. I'm not going to get technical because I'm just not good ...

Have they done this before? Because you would think it would be a little more painful. (And why is Draco the girl, harumph?) I think this has a particularly nice ...

I liked the poem. Thought it was kind of cute. I personally enjoy short poems like that and I love crayons. Only I do believe "lonliness" is spelt "loneliness" but ...