Twit

"I just want play," Jon whined, half-amused at Kyle. This feels unfinished. Say half-amused at Kyle's... whatever. Say what it is about Kyle that amuses Jon. His manner? Expression, voice ...

Nice. I think it belongs here in Other Fiction; I once wrote (a very bad) something like this, and it would have been better off (not written) put in this ...

deLucio's not so bad after all... :shock: Great chapter, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!! Kiera's responses during the "interrogation" had me grinning. :D

Anyone know why Firefox tries to inform me that it's dialog not dialogue? It's American. Spelling difference. :roll: - With this, it was a bit difficult to tell what was ...

Very cool twist at the end - wasn't expecting that one at all. :D And, yes, take note on what Jabs said. Give this a reread and run the spell ...

I found this very good, and emotional; not scatter-brained at all. It was like a conversation - or a letter, and either way works fine. I lent one of my ...

Very good, although I don't get three-quarters of the politicial jargon and action here. I did like the repetition of Ali's thought I ma the hawk . Very effective. And ...

Romantic Fiction definately is not my fav, and there wasn't much of a plot to this. I know it's a short story and all, but it needs to have some ...

Well, "blimey" isn't THAT old. :roll: Certainly not as old as "gadzooks" or "oddsfish". Lots of people still say it. This story could be a Doctor Who episode. And, believe ...

Pardon my ineptness...but what do cor and lumme mean? They're very British expressions. :) And in this case, they represent utter gobsmacked astonishment and impatience for the next chapter.

Ah, good. Indomitable against all odds. Steadfast and courageous. *blinks* Sorry, that sounds rather insincere. The entire worlds shattered into pieces and only darkness was left behind. Shouldn't tha

Coo, ominous! He got to his knees and whipped it away with his sleeve. Whipped = wiped would sound better. The thing lifted a silver, swirling sword and drifted quickly ...

Um, weird. The girl isn't human then? The ending was too rushed; it started off fine, but at the end, you're just telling us what happened, not making it interesting. ...

Ah, very sad. I didn't think it was confusing; I got the message perfectly. Yes I now feel safe. Comma after Yes . That aside, I didn't see any grammer ...

First Part: Good beginning. :) Didn't spot any errors; there were just a few odd sentances that could have been worded better. Like here: The crowd roared in approval as ...