Twit

You need to review more stuff than you post. Just a hint. :wink: "Hello?" I said , surprised that someone got this number other than the agency. Comma after said ...

Well, add capitals where caps are due for a start. Always capitalize "I". As to the subject... It was rather bland. I can't quite say how this can be improved ...

I avoided his gaze , knowing all too well that my plan was to go over there and see if they'd let me back in... Comma there. " Wan't me ...

Gee, this is VERY long. I'd post it in several parts to make it easier to read. Grammpa expression was solemn and soon after he finished his speech, be twiddled ...

Rather confusing, sorry. And can you change the font, this one's difficult to read. w hen she awoke from the darkness the bandits had tied her hands to the horn ...

This new found hope suddenly changed the way I saw other people’s definitions about me. New found = newfound. (I think.) Before I began to write, I looked up what ...

I didn't really understand this, which possibly means that this is a good poem. :wink: But I did really like the last line. :D What makes me diffrent . Diffrent ...

Is this a follow on from the other Break Neck that I read? This is better written than the first, but it would still be good to add a bit ...

Hm. The Bad: This was rushed, and your grammer needs attention. You need to set up the scene way more than you do here. The Good: This has potential! It ...

Every now and then the Headmasters eyes would drift to it and away and then back, like a proud housekeeper who has noticed a stain and is trying to ignore ...

This is rather long. I'd trim it, and although you have spaced it out, you still need to leave a line between dialogue. Like: A knock interrupted his thoughts on ...

Well, I watched Star Wars, but I still didn't get all of this. :roll: Still, it had a nice rythym to it. :)

Ooh, yes, you MUST break this up; it's far too much to read in a block like this. What I saw seemed good, but here: She turned to them a ...

Interesting! This was well written, anf there's no probs with the story. It's the action. It's too rushed, it doesn't last long enough. Like here: Hugo and Fred rushed to ...

Very sound! :D No grammer crit... *restrains self* Well, grammer aside - it wasn't too bad, actually - this was good. Dialogue fine, description fine, conflict good. :) I'd suggest ...