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Young Writers Society



Elena Maionsa - Six

by GingerLizzy


I snapped back to reality and realised that it was steadily beginning to rain, the glistening drops of water settling on the blades of grass and making them bow to Mother Nature's power. I smiled a little at the lingering memory and rose to my feet, brushing the dirt from my bottom and shooting a quick glance back to the Coven.

"You can't sit and watch it forever y'know." His voice startled me and I spun around, a defensive blush flooding my cheeks. Smiling, Adel walked and ruffled my auburn locks, sighing a little.

"I was just thinking, that's all." I avoided his gaze, knowing all too well that my plan was to go over there and see if they'd let me back in; even if I had enjoyed myself living with Adel, I was taking up a lot of room. Maybe I was just saying this to justify me leaving him; I didn't know myself.

He tilted his head a little and planted a hand on my shoulder gently, studying me with a deep blue intensity. "I think you should go back... You want to; I can tell."

"I wasn't thinking abou-" I cut myself off as our eyes met and I knew that he was trying to do what was best for me. "I just, miss the group, y'know?" He nodded, his hand remaining lightly on my shoulder as I looked up at him meekly.

"Want me to come with you?" A fingertip brushed against my cheek lightly and I sighed softly, nodding a little. Leaning up lightly, I placed a gentle kiss upon his cheek; lingering for that moment when the reciever tenses a little, deciding if it will go any further.

"Thank you. For a lot, I guess; you put up with too much from me," I spoke softly, pulling away lightly and then turning to look at the Coven. Feeling myself tense up not only from the shivers that the building sent down my spine, but also from the urge to kiss him again, I closed my eyes momentarily and fought it away.

It's funny how your feelings can change for one person, just from seeing how much they'd do for you.

I didn't turn back to look at him; if I did I knew that I'd kiss him again. I didn't think that would be appropriate, he was probably annoyed that I kissed his cheek in the first place - and there were a number of other places I'd like to kiss him.

Shaking my head, I began to appraoch the Coven, murmuring back to him, "Come on. I need to get this over with and if I don't do it now... well, who knows when I will?"

He caught up and walked beside me, not saying a word. I didn't give him an opportunity and quickly knocked on the large oak door of the fortress, awaiting the creak of the old and straining hinges.

After a couple of minutes, I knocked again, frowning confusedly. Mother always answered the door; quicker than the quickest of butlers. She always said that she thought it was her duty, as the Coven leader.

I pointed out to her that if anything, she should have a butler to do all of her work. The Coven treat you like crap, I muttered to her in a meeting once; after my Uncle Silo had taken over. She gave me a harsh pinch to the arm after that, so I said no more.

"Maybe they're out?" Adel peeked around into a side window and quickly stepped back, stepping close to my side, his eyes wide. "Uhh.. Not quite. Your Uncle Silo, right?"

I blinked and cringed - just my luck - he was the last person I wanted to see. But then confusion set in again, followed by slight anger. Uncle Silo was slowly pushing mother out, he was trying to-

"What on Earth are you doing here? We've had enough of you and your mother. I'm sick of you, and I haven't a clue why you've brought him here!" My Uncle Silo had flung the door wide open - so wide that it was resting against the side wall of the entrance hall - and was stood, looking at us with pure hatred.

My mother? Why was he angry at her?

Worry set in then and I tried to look over his shoulder at the small gathering of elders and younger witches, all with that same look clouding their faces. I blinked, expecting anger but instead seeing worry.

"Silo, what are you talking about? What's happened?" I glanced towards Adel now and saw a reflection of my own feelings. Inching around my Uncle, who was now breathing angrily, I made my way to the elders - one in particular.

My grandmother, Belle, stood in the centre of the group and I gently placed a soft hand on her arm, looking into her eyes.

"What's happened?" She looked up to me with pale brown eyes, her greying hair still brushing against her shoulders. She only looked a fraction of her seventy years and had only a few wrinkles on her face to show her story.

"Oh sweetheart. Your mother has gone, left the coven and her family behind." My grandmother's eyes shone with quiet tears, and my eyes widened. Adel slipped an arm around my waist to steady me as I caught my breath back. Then the anger boiled, high in my mind and pulsed against my temples.

"And do you know why she has done that?" I turned now, slipping from Adel's arm and turning on my Uncle, fire in my eyes. "Because she was pushed out, and kept captive at the same time. This place... is a prison!" I shook with anger and clenched a fist, my cheeks flushed red.

"Sweetheart. Please, don't get angry. We need you now, and you know it. You have to be the leader for a while." My grandmother's voice echoed and danced around the entrance hall. "God knows that Silo couldn't."

Muttering to the other witches, they gave a quick glance to Silo then walked back to their rooms and activites, leaving me and my Uncle, open mouthed.


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410 Reviews


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Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:23 pm
Alainna wrote a review...



Ah, this was good, I enjoyed the conflict in this piece.

Leaning up lightly, I placed a gentle kiss upon his cheek; lingering for that moment when the reciever tenses a little, deciding if it will go any further.

Excellent sentence.

I didn't give him an opportunity and quickly knocked on the large oak door of the fortress, awaiting the creak of the old and.....

Maybe 'I didn't give him an opportunity' should be it's own sentence, just to give it more emphasis.

"What on Earth are you doing here? We've had enough of you and your mother. I'm sick of you, and I haven't a clue why you've brought him here!"

If you put 'him' in italics it will make the sentence more believable- like Silo is perhaps giving Adel a dirty look as he says it.

She only looked a fraction of her seventy years and had only a few wrinkles on her face to show her story.

Repetition of the word 'only' seems odd. Maybe get rid of the first one completely.

Muttering to the other witches, they gave a quick glance to Silo then walked back to their rooms and activites, leaving me and my Uncle, open mouthed.

Perhaps a bit of re-wording here? Muttering to each other, the witches gave a quick glance to Silo then walked back to their rooms and activities, leaving my Uncle and I open mouthed.

Overall another good piece. Better than cinq.

Keep it up,
Alainna
xxxx




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Thu Oct 04, 2007 9:05 pm
GingerLizzy says...



There we go. I think I've edited out all the mistakes and such.

Thanks. ^^




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Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:58 pm
Twit wrote a review...



I avoided his gaze, knowing all too well that my plan was to go over there and see if they'd let me back in...


Comma there.


"Wan't me to come with you?"


Wan't = want


... and there were a number of other places I'd like to kiss him.


Lol! :oops:


after my Unlce Silo had taken over.


Unlce = uncle


My grandmothers eyes shone with quiet tears, and my eyes widened.


Grandmothers = grandmother's


Adel sliped an arm around my waist to steady me as I caught my breath back.


Sliped = slipped


"Sweetheart. Please, don't get angry. We need you now, and you know it. You have to be the leader for a while," My grandmothers voice echoed and danced around the entrance hall, "God knows that Silo couldn't."


Full stop instead of comma.

Grandmothers = grandmother's

Full stop instead of comma.


--

Very good. :D I could really enjoy this! And good she stood up to Silo - he's a real bad guy.





There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson