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Young Writers Society



The Talisman Tales: The Emperor's Nine Lives

by mariahneu


"He fiddled while Rome burned..."

Prologue:

Nancy and Fred were off to the Kennedy airport en route to an excavation site in Rome, Italy. Nancy, an archaeologist, was in search of not fame, not fortune, but rather the excitement of discovering artifacts that had long since called the ground "home". Fred, a news journalist, was a long-time friend of Nancy's. He frequently traveled along side her to exchange in conversation, as well as to write amazing archaeology articles for the Travel section of the New York Times. Both of them felt especially excited about this adventure in particular. However, they had no idea what was in store for them...

Location: Excavation site in the basement of the Basilica of San Clemente in Rome, Italy

"Fred, the dig, it's… well it's not going as planned," said Nancy. "We've been searching for days and this is all we've found – a few charred pottery shards. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me going is your story deadline."

"Well, yes," said Fred. "But I'm glad I got to tag along. This is incredible – me being a news journalist and playing archaeologist for a day." He smiled.

Without warning, a man of giant proportions cantered towards their dig site. He had tousled brown hair, dark brown eyes, and tan skin. Nancy liked him a lot for his appearances, but not so much for his attitude and arrogance.

“Neither of you have a chance at finding something even remotely interesting. I’ve been digging for years and have found many prized objects that have been sold for millions at auctions. You could say I’m an archaeologist by day, but a billionaire by night. But I have a good feeling about this pursuit in particular," the man said as he slid his sunglasses on top of his head.

“Oh, Hugo, we all know you have the arrogance of a king, but yet the personality of a fruit,” Nancy said, rolling her eyes. She felt tired after these many long, dreary hours of searching for the unknown, but hopefully her patience would pay off in the long-run. She didn’t feel like having another word war with Hugo at a time like this; it was time to get back to business.

Nancy continued scraping, digging, and brushing with the hope that something – anything – would arise. She was about to give up when suddenly she found what she was looking for.

“Hey, look! I think I found something!” she said ecstatically.

Hugo and Fred rushed to her side, hunched over to see what all of the fuss was about and to help her with her excavating. As they kept brushing and scraping, as well as digging around the corners, they found a latched door. Carefully, they tried to jimmy the lock so that they could enter. Once they were finished, they opened the door. They found some stone stairs proceeding downwards. They grabbed their flashlights and tools, carefully walking down the stairs. As they walked deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of corridors, it was getting hard to breathe, so they had to act fast by getting whatever it is that was down there, and scramming to the exit.

They turned the corner, only to find that they were in a burial chamber. Gazing across the room, their eyes spied a rectangular-shaped sarcophagus. They slowly opened it, though it was nearly empty. The only thing that was in there was a talisman. Nancy slowly reached out and grabbed the talisman. She studied it, noticing that it was a bit heavy for someone to wear around their neck, weighing about five pounds. It was made of silver and shaped like a circle. On it was inscribed the words, “Imperator Nero Caesar Augustus” along with an engraving of a fiddle. Fred eyed the talisman, not knowing what it was for.

Nancy thought for a moment, "Now why would Nero's talisman be in the basement of a church, of all places?"

"Well, maybe this was the only safe place to hide the talisman from thieves and such," Fred replied.

“That talisman is rightfully mine; it belongs to me. Give me the talisman at once!” Hugo shouted.

“How can this talisman be yours? How is that possible?" Nancy replied.

“Just look,” Hugo said. He pulled up his pant leg and on his ankle was the same engraving of a fiddle.

“It’s my family crest. So, give me the talisman so that I can do what I came here to do,” replied Hugo.

“Don’t give him the talisman! You don’t know what could happen,” said Fred nervously.

“Fine, take it,” Nancy said. Ignoring Fred, she threw the talisman at him, and right as he grabbed it and strung it around his neck, a stream of fire illuminated his figure.

“You fool! You should have listened to Fred when you had the chance to. Thank you for finding this for me; my family has been searching for it ever since our ancestor, Nero, lost it. I’m off to do what Nero started, but didn’t finish,” said Hugo, as he ran out of the burial chamber.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Fred said.

They were walking around the lair of the talisman, when they noticed a statue of Nero.

“Wait a minute… This statue of Nero looks exactly like Hugo; same length of hair, same facial structure, same height and everything, except for the clothes, of course,” Nancy said.

Fred pondered that thought, “I once wrote an article for the Times on deciphering codes. From what I recall from my research, Hugo, deciphered, turns into Nero! Pure coincidence or not?”

“This is just a hypothesis, but from our analysis of the statue and the deciphering, I have come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, Hugo is a reincarnation of Nero. Which would explain why Hugo wanted the talisman so much and had the same imprint of a fiddle on his ankle; he’s not related to Nero...he is Nero!” Nancy said wide-eyed.

“That makes sense, I guess. So if Hugo is Nero, then that means that we’re all in trouble. If I recall, he said that he wanted to finish what Nero had started. Nancy, Nero tried to burn this church down to the ground once, and who says he won't try do it again!” Fred said nervously.

“We have to hurry; let’s drive around Rome and see if we can find him. Maybe we can find a way to stop him,” replied Nancy.

So they set out in their little red Fiat to explore the ins and outs of Rome.

Little did they know, "Nero" was still at the basilica, near the sanctuary. He held on to the talisman, still on his neck, and aimed it at the pews in the church. In less than a minute, the sun's reflection through the stained glass windows, beaming off of the talisman, started the pews on fire. After a few minutes, Nero, pleased with his past action, decided to repeat his deed by beaming the sunlight off of the talisman onto the altar.

"I shall show God that there is a greater one than himself," he said arrogantly. But as the talisman glowed, aimed at the altar, God fought back, igniting Nero's hands on fire, via the power from the talisman and himself. Nero screamed in agony, still unaware that Nancy and Fred were on their way back to the basilica.

Meanwhile, as Fred was driving, he noticed something.

“Do you smell that? It smells like smoke, like something’s burning,” said Fred, as he sniffed around.

“I smell it too. Where’s it coming from?” replied Nancy.

“Over there by the basilica! The basilica’s burning down!” Fred frantically yelled.

“We have to do something!” cried Nancy. She and Fred raced to a house near the basilica. They frantically knocked on the door, until an old lady answered...

"You have to help us! The basilica's burning down!" Fred screamed. Good thing that Fred knew Italian, since that's the only language that the old lady spoke.

"Quello è impossibile," the old lady said.

"Osservi verso l'esterno la vostra finestra," Fred replied. The old lady started panicking as she looked out of her window. Sure enough, the church was almost engulfed in flames.

"Ask her if she has a garden hose that we can use," Nancy told Fred.

"Avete un tubo flessibile del giardino che possiamo utilizzare?" He asked.

"Sì, esca appena indietro," she replied. So they ran out of the back door in her house and found the hose. They quickly turned it on and raced to the fire. As they arrived, Fred put out the fire as Nancy directed him to the many sources of the fire. Within minutes, they had controlled the fire to small embers.

“I have a feeling that Nero did this, and I don’t think he’s going to stop anytime soon,“ said Nancy. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nero hiding in behind one of the pews. When he realized that he had been caught, he scampered out of the basilica.

“There he goes! Let’s get him!” Fred shouted.

They chased after Nero as he headed into a dark alley in central Rome. They ended at a brick wall, with Nero nowhere in sight. All of a sudden, Nancy smelt something burning, once again. She looked up and screamed as she saw Nero aiming the talisman at her head. Frantically, she threw herself onto the ground and repeatedly rolled around until the flame on her hair was gone. Fred, seeing this, grabbed on to Nero's khaki pant leg and wrestled him to the ground and caught him by the shirt

Nancy now remembered from reading somewhere that the talisman could only be used when it was strung around someone's neck as a necklace.

“Fred, take his talisman off! That’s how he’s getting his powers!” Nancy exclaimed.

Without hesitation, Fred grabbed the talisman and tore it off of Nero’s neck. Almost immediately, Hugo, or “Nero”, turned into dust, falling at Fred’s feet.

“Well, that takes care of a few problems,” Nancy smiled. Fred, angry at Nero and at the talisman, tried desperately to destroy the talisman by smashing it with a hammer, and other various ways of destruction. However, the talisman, amazingly, did not bend, scratch, or even tarnish.

“Let’s send the talisman to the museum; it will be of more use to them than it is to us,” Fred replied.

So they drove to the museum, leaving Nero’s remains behind, and returned the talisman.

“This is going to make an excellent article. “The Emperor’s Nine Lives” will make headline news!” Fred exulted.

They went back to their Fiat and drove back to the church. Little did they know, as they left the museum, the talisman glowed, awaiting its next victim. A life source, proven to be fatal in the wrong hands...

Italian Translation:

Quello è impossibile - "That is impossible"

Osservi verso l'esterno la vostra finestra - "Look out your window"

Avete un tubo flessibile del giardino che possiamo utilizzare - "Do you have a garden hose that we can use?"

Sì, esca appena indietro - "Yes, just go out back"


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Tue Oct 30, 2007 2:13 am
lyrical_sunshine wrote a review...



SHOWING NOT TELLING!
SHOWING NOT TELLING!
SHOWING NOT TELLING!!!! INFINITY!!!!

what twit said - don't just say "this happened, then this, then that". SHOW US.

other than that, it was a very unique storyline. i've always been fascinated by that period of history, so i liked it alot. :D




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Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:40 am
CrystalSorceress wrote a review...



I think that this piece both shows a lot of promise and needs a lot of work.

It actually reminds me somewhat of problems I've had with my writing in the past.

As Twit said, the action is very rushed, and it seems like you're just telling us what happened. To reiterate, EMOTION!!! Good thing!

Also, (this is just a personal preference, really. Ignore it if you want.) In your opening, you start out with a prologue. In my opinion, you should just get rid of it. It's not that prologues are a bad thing, but in a story like this I think it would be better just to include that information in the beginning of the story.

Another thing you might want to work with is your opening line.


"Fred, the dig, it's… well it's not going as planned," said Nancy. "We've been searching for days and this is all we've found – a few charred pottery shards. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me going is your story deadline."


I think this jumps in a little too fast. I feel like I've missed something, like I skipped a part of the story. You could still have a similar opening line, but I think you need something before it, something like, "I'm worried, Fred." Then tell us why she's worried (e.g. your current opening line)

I do think you should keep the dialogue at the beginning. In general, it's a very good way to open a story. Just don't make it throw you right into the plot's deep end right away.

Another thing: Description!!! It's a wonderful thing. I myself discovered that the hard way. I want to feel like I'm there when I'm reading this. What does the world around your characters look like? Feel like? Sound like? To me, a mark of good writing is feeling like I'm actually experiencing this with the characters. (I don't know, maybe that's just me. :-))

Also, you seem to introduce things very late in the story. You tell the reader that the characters know something right when they need that knowledge. Try introducing us to the many things that your characters know in the beginning. Fred speaks Italian? Show us earlier on. He knows about code breaking? Let us know sooner. Any little thing that they know that happens to be of use to them, let the reader know! It gives us hints about what's to come, and let's us ponder what use it will be, if any. If you can, try to introduce it casually, so that the reader doesn't suspect that it has anything to do with the plot. It seems that most readers (including myself) like the unexpected, however minor the detail.

All in all, I love this idea. I think it has huge potential as a story, with a little tweaking. Also, I love how you started it out with a quote. It really grabbed me and lured me in.

Hope I've been help,

Keep writing,

-Sorceress




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Sat Sep 29, 2007 11:09 am
Twit wrote a review...



Interesting! This was well written, anf there's no probs with the story. It's the action. It's too rushed, it doesn't last long enough.

Like here:

Hugo and Fred rushed to her side, hunched over to see what all of the fuss was about and to help her with her excavating. As they kept brushing and scraping, as well as digging around the corners, they found a latched door. Carefully, they tried to jimmy the lock so that they could enter. Once they were finished, they opened the door. They found some stone stairs proceeding downwards. They grabbed their flashlights and tools, carefully walking down the stairs. As they walked deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of corridors, it was getting hard to breathe, so they had to act fast by getting whatever it is that was down there, and scramming to the exit.

They turned the corner, only to find that they were in a burial chamber. Gazing across the room, their eyes spied a rectangular-shaped sarcophagus. They slowly opened it, though it was nearly empty. The only thing that was in there was a talisman.


This is just "they did this, then this, then that, then this..." During all the above, you don't say how Nancy and Fred are feeling. They're in a honking huge underground chamber that no one's been in for centuries, so they're bound to feeling something. Awe? Fear? Amazement?

Emotions are everything. Well, almost everything.


“Fine, take it,” Nancy said. Ignoring Fred, she threw the talisman at him, and right as he grabbed it and strung it around his neck, a stream of fire illuminated his figure.

“You fool! You should have listened to Fred when you had the chance to. Thank you for finding this for me; my family has been searching for it ever since our ancestor, Nero, lost it. I’m off to do what Nero started, but didn’t finish,” said Hugo, as he ran out of the burial chamber.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Fred said.

They were walking around the lair of the talisman, when they noticed a statue of Nero.



Why don't they rush out after Nero? They know who Nero was, what a supposed ancestor could do, why didn't they try harder to stop him? If they were too scared, then SHOW it.



He pulled up his pant leg and on his ankle was the same engraving of a fiddle.


Ouch... engraving? You engrave onto stone. I think this should be "tattoo".


All of a sudden, Nancy smelt something burning, once again. She looked up and screamed as she saw Nero aiming the talisman at her head. Frantically, she threw herself onto the ground and repeatedly rolled around until the flame on her hair was gone.


Wouldn't she have FELT the flame, if her hair was on fire?


Nancy now remembered from reading somewhere that the talisman could only be used when it was strung around someone's neck as a necklace.


No. Nix this immediately. This is way too improbable. She just "remembered"? No, change it.


Little did they know, as they left the museum, the talisman glowed, awaiting its next victim. A life source, proven to be fatal in the wrong hands...


Woo, coolness! :D


--

This just needs polishing up. When you've done that, this could be a really good idea. ^_^ And while I like the inserting of Italian in there - do you speak it yourself? - I think you should show that Fred speaks it earlier on.


Happy tweaking! :D





The important thing is never to stop questioning.
— Albert Einstein