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Young Writers Society



Giant Wolves - the beginning

by chayonz


A Shadowy Future

A grey aged wolf trotted across a snowy valley. The only sound heard was the crunching of snow under her padded paws. Her wary eyes watched everything surrounding her, from the trees to even the most distant mouse. Now was not the time to be careless.

She slowly stalked the ground and sniffed for any scents which may be imprinted on the ground before raising her head up high to sniff whatever smells may be carried by the wind. Her long silver snout snaked into the air and she twitched her nose. The only smell was the aroma of stale frigid air. Her long grey coat nearly glided across the ground and small balls of ice had froze themselves on the fur.

Her coat helped her blend in with her surroundings but her size was against her. She was at least five feet tall, her shoulders broad and with a long slender face, but her once muscled legs were losing their strength and were slowly starting to deteriorate. Her collar which was once grand and robust had turned thin and wilted. Her droopy eyes were full of wisdom and experience but time had taken its toll on her for they were meek and almost life-less with only the smallest spark in it which seemed to cling on for dear life before it withered and died away. She was traveling on her last reserves of energy. This would be her last journey for when this voyage was done she would’ve completed her final task and she would be able to relax in peace. Just one last message and she would finally take a long deserved rest.

At a sudden sound of breaking trees and fluttering of birds the wolf bolted only to look back seconds later when she was far out of reach from whatever had caused such a noise. Humans. Her tail tucked under her in an instant and she slowly crawled above the thick snow. Laying flat on the snow she crept away. The other end of the valley was not so far away and if she made a bolt for it she would be able to get out of sight quickly.

She chanced a look behind her. They hadn’t noticed her for they were talking loudly and making quite a ruckus. She judged the distance from the trees to the humans. The trees were closer. It was a risk but one she was willing to take. She licked her dry lips and crouched down ready to sprint forward. With one last twitch of her ears she sprung forward. All she could hear was her pounding heart which continuously thrust itself against her ribs. The ground seemed to fly beneath her and the wind whistled past her ears. She lengthen her pace and continued, snow flew from beneath her feet and the cold air dried her mouth and hurt her throat.

She didn’t hear the first shouts until she was almost six paces away from the trees. She dared not look back and continued on. Not until she was hidden within the forest of still standing trees which guarded her like never moving soldiers, did she chance a look back. There were six humans and all were holding bow and arrows and pikes which they waved above their head as they ran on. One stumbled and fell but quickly got back up and ran after the group; his black hair was dotted with white freckles of snow.

She had created a large gap in-between them but they were gaining ground. She knew they would follow her foot-prints so she continued on faster and faster. The snow was deep enough to stumble in but not enough to cover her overly-apparent footprints. Her four legged sprint came to an advantage to her and she glided through the trees. Ignoring her frozen feet she continued on until she could no longer hear the terrifying cries of the humans. She then slowed down to a walk with only the ragged sound of her breathing to accompany her on this tortuous journey. Suddenly she saw a frozen river. With delight she ran to it. After making sure the ice was solid she slowly stepped unto it. The ice was cold to the point of torment, but she bit back a rising whimper and glided unto it slowly. She slid at most points but she figured out that if she was able to keep her balance then she was able to slide safely on. This stream, she was sure, would lead her to her home and back to safety.

The first smell which she could recognize were the smell of familiar wolves, smelly as they were, it raised her spirits miles high. She finally was able to dismount the slithering ice, her muscles strained and cramped from trying to keep her balance for so long, and she ran towards the camp site. The caves were visible from here and she continued on. Every step she took filled her with bliss. The first wolf she saw was Matieah. She ran to him with joy and when he saw her he welcomed her with licking and happy whimpers. Everywhere around her friendly muzzles popped up and she was ushered through the sparse crowd of wolves towards the largest den of them all. A howl announced her presence back home and she trotted on with pride. She felt re-newed with energy, or at least enough to get her through her message.

She entered the den. A small wolf going back and forth from one linked den to the next, each time a wolf came out with him. She went to the middle of the hall and sat down, waiting for the alpha wolves to come out so she could present her message. Behind her stood the whole pack, all eyes were on her and she could see their hopeful faces looking at her with expectancy. She turned to them and cringed sadly. She knew they would not be so excited if they knew what she was going to say.

When all the lead wolves had come and sat in front of her the whole den went quiet. The lead wolves sat on the same level of ground as she did to express equality among the wolves. Although the alphas got privileges of their own which could only be expected, but they treated the whole pack as a family which is what created such a strong loyal bond between the all the wolves.

“Mayi. I trust you had spoken with the remaining wolf pack, am I correct?” Asked the alpha male, Brothgur.

“Yes I have.” She replied.

“And what did they say to our request?”

“They did not comply.” Murmurs echoed off the walls.

“What do you mean?” Brothgur asked with concern, his white tail twitching with anxiety.

“They are going to go ahead with their own preparation and they plan on attacking the city of Cret after three suns and moons have passed.” Whimpers, growls, and yips came from behind her. She twitched under the fiery gaze of the alpha male. The alpha males ears went back and his upper lip quivered up, exposing a fine line of white carving teeth.

“Fools! Have they gone mad?” he roared. “Their plan will fail! They should’ve thrown the revenge from their hearts and listened to us! This will only go badly for them and they will all perish like the Alkiel Pack. They never take heed to our warnings, hard-headed poodles!” He was pacing the floor now. His mate watched him with worry.

“Sire, I have tried talking to them but they will not listen to reason. I stayed there for four suns and three moons; I’ve tried to make my point, telling them that no good will come of this. I did all I could.” Mayi continued. Brothgur stopped pacing and he turned to face the dejected wolf. His fury left him at the sight of her sadness and he came towards her.

“I hold no doubt against you and I trust that you used your better judgement.”

“Brothgur.” The alpha female, Reanege called out. “We must protect our pack.” She said.

“Yes you’re right. And we must do it immediately. The Regiel Pack has put us in danger and they seem to know not of the consequences of their actions. If the humans wipe them out as well they will come for us. We must move.” Then addressing his pack he bellowed,

“We are not safe here anymore. Things have changed and no longer can we live in harmony with the humans. We will not give them war. From now on contact with humans are forbidden, you may not go out on scavenges or hunts alone and no one can leave the forest. No wolf, no matter age or experience.” He turned to his wife and nodded. She left and left towards the wolves behind Mayi. She heard Reanege call out for the pups which were playing outside, who were oblivious to what was happening.

When everyone had left, the den was silent. Only Brothgur and Mayi remained. She looked around. Her home for so many years was to be abandoned. Her life was about to be changed forever. They would be forced to go to some unknown land where they would have to start their lives again while living in the constant shadow of fear. The only upside to everything was that she knew that she would not survive long enough to experience the forth-coming hardships which everyone else would encounter. Cowardly as it was, Mayi felt no guilt. After living and working the whole forty-eight years of her life with no rest, for that was the way she lived her life, she was not afraid of death, for she felt assured that death would be pleasant, a place where she could rest and be at peace and where she could soothe her aching muscles.

She had once had a mate but he had died long ago. The only good thing she thought she had ever done in her life was giving birth to a pup, which she had to regretfully hand over to a different female wolf that had had pups at the same time for she knew she would be incapable of rearing him, she had known she was too young, even her maternal instincts wouldn’t be able to save her nor her baby. She watched him grow silently always from a distance. The pain of not being able to care for her own offspring was harsh on her and therefore she worked. She had shied away from her own young so she would never have to go through the heart-breaking pain of being called a stranger by him. Her work would take her far away from home, far away from her young until her mind was completely absorbed into her mission and only her mission. Even as he grew up to be a handsome and strong wolf, she never told him her true identity, for she knew that if he knew how weak his mother was it would only hinder the wolf he was growing up to be. She had lived with more vigor than anyone she knew and she had worked even when they told her to stop before she exterted herself to death. Her job as being a messenger, which meant traveling from city to city, forest to forest, had wasted away her body which was now as frail as a brittle twig on an autumn’s day. Her only regret was not being able to rest and live a life of pleasure with her abandoned son. A sudden voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Mayi.” It was Brothgur.

“I understand your condition at the moment.” He seemed hesitant and wouldn’t look her in the eye. She knew better than anyone else that even the alpha had his moments of indescision and shyness.

“That last mission which you forced upon yourself did a great deal on you I can see that. You’ve aged considerably and you seem almost ready to collapse any moment now.” She cocked her head to the side in confusement. She didn’t understand what he was getting at.

“I know what you have been thinking. And I have no rejection if you wish to spend the remainder of your life here instead of leaving your home to a place which I am most certain you will never reach.

”Hearing the words come from somebody else rather than herself was different she realized and the reality of the truth hurt when she heard it. They all know I’m going to die, she thought.

“I’m sorry Mayi, my abilities to help can only go so far.” He straightened up and finally looked her right in the eye, an old aged eye which he had never been able to figure out. Mayi had always been a mystery to him. She was known as a shy and timid wolf, one who had led a hard and tough life, but he knew that behind that mask of durability, she was sad.

“Mayi the descison is up to you.” The corner of her mouth inched up in tender affection but she hid her true feelings.

“Thank you Sire, I am very grateful for your thoughtfulness and I will take it into consideration.” Her cracked and dry nose twitched. She nodded and with one last look at him she left the den. Brothgur watched her leave her, but her sad eyes stayed imprinted in her mind.

The moving was quick. The whole Broeign Pack was assembled and ready for their long migration when Mayi had come out. By the time Brothgur and Reanege were at standing in their positions at the head of the pack everyone was anxious to journey on. Brothgur scanned the pack to make sure that everyone was there from the oldest wolf to the smallest puppy. Mayi was no where to be seen. He settled to the fact that his unanswered question had been silently responded to. He looked over the heads of the many wolves and saw the tiny figure of a wolf standing between two dens, staring at them without moving. He felt a small ache tug at his heart for the sad fate of the lone wolf before turning around and repositioning himself at the head with his mate. They soon left quietly with no fuss or troubles, the last of them disappered through the forest in less than a minute.

Mayi watched sadly and turned back and entered one of the dens. She finally crouched down into a bone creaking recline. She sighed exhaustedly and felt the whole weight of her body disappear. She knew she would not wake back up. This was her moment of heaven.

Be safe my son, Brothgur


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15 Reviews


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Sun Jan 13, 2008 4:46 am



Wow, I thought this was really good. I can't wait to see where it goes. But some of the behaviors seemed a little... unwolfish. To make your wolves more convincing you might want to do a little research on how the behave.




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Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:40 pm
chayonz says...



Thanks you guys! that helped a lot! and i am continuing it! I'll post it now!




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Tue Oct 02, 2007 2:02 am
kittykat_luva wrote a review...



I like it, but definatly break it up, it is very hard to read when it is all in a big block like that, but I do like the story.

When all the lead wolves had come and sat in front of her the whole den went quiet. The lead wolves sat on the same level of ground as she did to express equality among the wolves.


I think you use the word wolves a few to many times in that scentence.
You could say something like the lead animals, or the pack leaders.

From now on contact with humans is forbidden,


Appart from that it's great, a few grammar mistakes, but I really shouldn't lecture you about grammar and all that stuff, I'm terrible at i!




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Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:14 am
Griffinkeeper wrote a review...



“We must protect our pack.” She insisted.


“We must protect our pack,” she insisted.


These are both correct. The difference is that when you put in a comma, it just includes the "she insisted" in the sentence. In general I prefer comma's when there is a "blah said" involved. It makes it one continuous sentence, vs. one sentence followed by a broken up sentence.

"We must protect our pack." She said.

It is so much nicer, visually and literal when you don't have to pause for that period.

"We must protect our pack," she said.

So this isn't a critique on the grammar, but on how you use these sentences.

“Mayi.” It was Brothgur.


This is when periods are good. The period makes the sentence stop abruptly and introduces the new speaker quickly and efficiently. I like this sentence.

So my advice is not to bother creating a new sentence for "He said/She said" but to just use a comma.




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Mon Oct 01, 2007 6:52 pm
GingerLizzy says...



I agree definately; break it upi; 'cause then it'll give it a more professional look and also it may entice more people to read it.

Other than that though; it was really good. Good idea you have there - are you continuing it?




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Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:26 pm
Twit wrote a review...



Ooh, yes, you MUST break this up; it's far too much to read in a block like this. What I saw seemed good, but here:

She turned to them a gave them a sad smile.


*cringe* Wolves are sort of like dogs, and I think dogs can laugh, but I'm with Richard Adams in ont having animals smiling and laughing in this way. Talking, yes, but not smiling. It's too cheesy.

“Yes I have.She replied.


You do this a few times. Remember this, because I get tired of pointing it out again and again to people who don't listen. It should be a comma and small letter. So, "Yes I have," she replied.

Savvy?

Otherwise, it looks good, but you MUST break it up. Text Chi and all that.




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Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:01 pm
Stori says...



Great job. But please break it up.





With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
— Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus