Era and the Lost Child

Thanks so far for the comments on my last peice.

If you haven't read my first part of three on the prologue, please feel free to check it out topic19445.html <- there.

Anyways, this is the unedited writing so as many comments as possible would be great.

Thanks for the help :)

The young boy leaped from the soft cushioned bed and onto the floor, twisting and turning his way out of the now restricting bed sheets. He crawled backwards to a wall, panting and eyeing the tall figure that stood solemnly in the doorway. Minutes, hours, days past with the man standing there, eyeing, questioning, wondering who and what he was looking at. Sunlight had caught the image of the man standing in the doorway, momentarily blinding the young boy, who had covered his eyes and was cowering against a wall. The floor creaked under the boy and he heard the man approach him and sit on the bed that he had just fled from. Curiously, the boy looked from behind his hands to the man sitting on the bed. Short, brown hair shone with the rays of the sun from the doorway. Clean, white robes adorned with green lace covered the man’s pale skin. The boy had never seen a taller man in his life. Green, soft eyes fell onto the young boy, cowering on the floor, from the man on the bed.

Smiling, the man began to speak, “Good morning.” The words seemed to fill the room with a warmth that even the boy sitting down, cowering by the wall could not dismiss. He let his hands fall and began to stare directly at the man.

“You were on the ship, weren’t you?”

The question struck as a thorn in the boy’s side. He knew that this was the figure that had taken him off the beach. He couldn’t quite utter anything to count for as an answer, but he nodded slightly, hoping that this creature would know the response.

Sighing at the nod, and continuing, “The ship was destroyed by the water. You are the only survivor.”

The words meant nothing to the boy. He remembered how he had stolen his way onto the ship after war had ravaged his homeland and taken from him all that he loved. Keeping hidden until the storm hit the ship, he was able to quickly abandon ship and head for the shore. He had known no one on the ship, and now, never would.

“What is your name?” The boy was rushed out of his memories by the simple, curious question. He felt comfortable now, as if he were in a dream of sorts.

“John.” He was able to whisper the words, hoping once more that he would be heard and he would not have to keep talking. However, the creature stood up and walked towards the door slowly. He paused at the doorway and looked back over his shoulder and with a smile of white teeth, he said quietly,

“We will call you Era” and as he left he continued, “It means Luck.” He took a moments pause.

“My name is Kapali. It means healer in our language.”

With that, he left the room.

Over the next few days, Era spent much of his time talking with Kapali about this land, asking hundreds of questions that filled the young boy’s head. First off, he wanted to know the basics of everything: Where was he? Who are these people? What is their language? Kapali laughed quietly when they began talking, at all of the boy’s interest in this world. Kapali would close his eyes and answer one question at a time.

“Where am I?” Era was able to calm himself to ask that simple question above all of the rest that settled into his mind.

Kapali thought about the question for what seemed like hours to Era.

“We,” he hesitated, “do not know as much as you think about this world. From what we do know of the world we live on, is that it is a circular, moving sphere, with many unchartered and unknown land masses. Where you have come from,” He continued, in a scholarly manner, “is one of the few land masses that we have discovered.” He paused for a moment. “They probably taught you that you were the only continent in your land. The great land where everyone lived in the entire world, and where everyone originated from. The truth is, your continent is very young, very new to the world in words you may understand. Your race, the human race, originated from this land mass, in what we believe a small region very far south, which I have never seen. We do not know how you were put onto this land, but our guess is, is that you split into many tribes, ranging the world looking for land and hope of finding a safe haven.”

Era could not believe this. He was taught that there were two Gods. Air and water were controlled by these Gods, and human kind as they all knew it, had come from the wind in his land. These new ideas puzzled him, but he wanted to know more. Before he could ask another question. Kapali spoke,

“Tell me,” again pausing to word his sentence correctly as he did so often, “more of your land, your people, and of course, what happened in more detail.”

Era was worried this subject would come up. He did not enjoy speaking about it as much as Kapali seemed interested in. He knew he must get over speaking of it and remembering exactly what happened.

“I have told you about it before. What else do you need to know?” Era questioned, wanting to avoid the subject

altogether. Kapali was silent.

“My land mass, as you call it, was called Kanfali. Named after our God for Air, who we believe is the creator.” This seemed to briefly shock Kapali, who quickly dismissed it and Era went on. “There were three lands on Kanfali. Those lands were split evenly among three men that had been there at the Rising.” Pausing for a moment, Era tried harder to get Kapali to understand. “The Rising is our religious awakening. It was when Kanfali blessed our land with human life. There were three men, all with different strengths, that were there when Kanfali visited on his third Rising. Kanfali told these men to create a vast realm for the men to live in, with three beautiful cities. Each of these men took a group of men and women and split into three groups. They each settled on one end of Kanfali, and created three growing villages. The Water God, Sanzol, blessed us with ships of more men and women to all three villages. Soon the villages became cities, and those cities grew to those that even Kanfali would be proud of. The world went dark and then became light many times over again. Men and women grew old, and new kings rose to take the original king’s lands.” Era stopped at this.

Kapali smiled at the response that was given to him.

“It is your turn now to ask me a question Era.”

“What is this language you speak of? Why can’t I keep my old name?” Era had never really enjoyed his old name, but it was his identity.

“There was a language used by our elders, the first of this land, that we call the Ancient Language. They came, like the humans, from the southern borders, and rose to claim over many lands in this land. They named this body of land Rethorn, after the greatest of hunters of his time. He passed down certain words that formed into a slight language that is only written in names carried down by generation after generation. We have these names, and they define us. Your real name, whatever it may be, means nothing here, to these people. The ancient language is almost as well known as common language. Wherever you take the name Era, the glory of our people follow.” With this, Kapali gave Era a slight smile.

“I am not like you Era. I am not what you think I am.”

Era began to become frightened, scared at what this mysterious character could say next.

“Tell me Era, did your mother ever sing you songs of faraway places, with mystical creatures that inhabited the land?”

Era was taken aback by this question, yet began to wonder the same. He remembered his mother sitting on his bed with a book retelling a story from an old book that Era had always been very interested in. It was called ‘The Tales of the Ancients’ and had many mythical stories about God’s and fairies and dreamlike landscapes. With a quiet sound, he muttered,

“Yes, she did.” It hurt to think of his mother now.

“Was there ever a story called Erun?”

Era remembered the story vividly. It was one of the epic stories in the leather bound book of tales. It told of a creature named Erun, who had long blonde golden hair and tall pointy ears and quested the land in search of his love. The most interesting thing about this story was the fact that this Erun creature was something called an Elf. Elves, he knew from other stories, all had blonde hair, pointy ears, and could live forever, immortal to all forms of natural death. He had giggled wickedly at the humorous descriptions of these creatures.

Smiling in recognition, “Yes, I remember that story.” Then it struck him: Why would this story matter?

Before Era could grasp what Kapali was trying to tell him, he spoke,

“Era, there are things in this world that you only consider myth. Mere fantasy.” He paused for a second, rewording what to say. “The story Erun, was based on my brother. He is an Elf, and so am I.”

Era couldn’t stand what he was hearing. This creature was not an elf. He was not one of those things. There was no way that could be possible. His mind raced with the blonde haired, pointy eared men he had seen in his minds eye. This was not that man.

Sensing his disbelief, Kapali spoke calmly,

“Over time, you will understand.”

With that, he left the room as abruptly as his first visit.

Over the next few days, Era’s wounds began to heal and he became more free to walk in the outside world. Kapali had finally opened the door to the small shack and lead Era down a path that lead down the grassy hill that held the building. What Era saw, he couldn’t quite understand. Around the hill where the little house was built, a large, wide-spaced forest covered the land. Throughout the trees, there were enormous open areas where houses and tents were pitched. Others, like Kapali, were walking around and carrying out their daily activities. Kapali led Era to a small path and then towards one of the clearings, where four figures were sitting around a fire. The figures peered up at Kapali and Era and then stood up.

Kapali’s voice seemed to calm them, “Friends, this is the boy I have told you about.”

Era gazed up at the first one that nodded towards him. He stood shorter then Kapali, but seemed just as fierce, with

brown eyes and long flowing blonde hair. He wore brown, tanned leather and a long green cloak. He bore a gold ring on his left middle finger that seemed to have some sort of crest on it. Era noticed that he also had, underneath his green cloak, a small dagger with a dark black sheath. Noticing Era gazing at the dagger, the elf smiled and closed his cloak around the knife.

“Hello Era. My name is Eradram.”

Era perked up to hear a name that almost sounded close to this new name that these people had given him.

Eradram must have caught this quick thought and added, “it means Lucky Hunter in the old language.”

Era knew this was also an elf. He didn’t want to believe it. If he believed that this creature is an elf, what is to say any of those stories were just fantasy? His realm of what he thought he knew was being torn apart. He wanted to see a human, to see someone real. To talk to someone that understood what he had gone through; of where he came from.

Standing next to Eradram was one such human. It had been the first bit of normal that Era had seen these last few weeks. The short man stepped forward and offered his hand to Era.

“The name is Robert. That means Robert in the old language.” Era laughed at this soothing joke from the round man. Era immediately felt a connection to this man. Robert smiled through a bushy mustache. He seemed to get an enjoyment from Era laughing, as he turned very red and giggled quietly as he returned back to his seat.

A young elf stepped forward nodding like the older elf. He shared many of the same qualities of the older elf as well. The brown eyes shown from his pale face and his blonde hair matched that of the other elf. The only difference between the two, was that the younger had hair that was trimmed shorter, so it came to about the length of Era’s own hair in the front, with bangs just meeting his own eyebrows and a ponytail in the back, which Era did not have.

“My name is Zide. It means arrow in the old language.”

The young elf sat down next to Robert and watched Era as the last figure introduced himself. The last figure stood further back from any of the crowd around him. He seemed to have some sort of quality about him that the others did not share. This elf was the only elf armed with a bow sitting around the fire. A large quiver stacked full of arrows hung from his shoulder across his back. He motioned a quick nod and almost whispered the words,

“My name is Marc.”

He said no more, but again looked away from the encampment and out towards the woods. Kapali motioned for Era to follow him. He led Era back towards the building where he had resided at for the past few weeks. Era looked back when they reached the door to see all of them speaking quietly amongst themselves.

Within time, Era was given the ability to walk freely around the village, even though he didn’t feel quite comfortable enough to do so. He spent many of his days sitting in the quiet of his own room, remembering his old life, and wondering what life held for him here. A knock interrupted his thoughts on one bright afternoon.

“Era, would you mind talking to me for a bit?”

Robert's plump, red face peeked through the door of the shack. Era had grown used to the idea of the elves by now, but what he could not understand was how Robert, a normal man, lived with them. Era had no hate towards the elves, it was just very odd to him to come face to face with a mythical creature that he thought never existed.

Robert walked further into the room, boldly sitting on the chair that sat a few feet from the bed.

“I know its hard for you to understand all of this Era, but” He paused trying to speak the words “you have a friend here that feels the same way as you. I didn’t grow up in this world of elves. I grew up on a farm side deep from the southern borders of Rethom. There are no elves there. I came here when my home, like your’s, was destroyed.” He grew silent and sullen. Rising to his feet, he nervously surveyed the room and began to walk out. He stopped and breathed deeply in,

“Let your disbelief and fear go. This world is your second chance to become everything you ever wanted to be.”

After leaving, Era could only think one thing: He was right.

3/3 coming soon, followed of course by chapters.

Jadix.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Stori
Comment

Ah, more about the shipwreck! What caused it? How did the strangers come to resuce Era?

User avatar
Twit
Review
Twit wrote a review · Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:10 pm

This is rather long. I'd trim it, and although you have spaced it out, you still need to leave a line between dialogue. Like:

A knock interrupted his thoughts on one bright afternoon.
“Era, would you mind talking to me for a bit?”
Robert's plump, red face peeked through the door of the shack.


You need to leave a line, so the dialogue is spaced out above and below. Makes it easier to read.

This felt rushed. Maybe it's because I havn't read the first bit, but it would be better if you stretched this out into several chapters/parts of the prologue. It had a bit too much of "They did this, then this, then this, then this..."

And why do they always say what their names mean?

“My name is Zide. It means arrow in the old language.”


It feels stilted, but if this is because names are uber important in this world, then leave it in.

The bit about different lands and the gods was good. :)


Basically, this is pretty good. You need to space it out, and expand it more. Put more dialogue in, show more of Era's character. At present he's a touch flat. Don't get put off if this seems negative, it's not meant to be. You just need to polish it up. :D



Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres