Twinflower

Hi there, I agree with the other reviewers that you need to break this up into several smaller paragraphs. Mallory, even though she was my mom prefered me to call ...

Hi! Seeing as no one's critiqued this yet, i'll give it a stab. First off, I think you should cut the character list and pronunciation guide, or at least post ...

I really enjoyed this--i kept thinking of how cute illustrations would be for it. I think the rhythm and rhyme fit the subject well--seemed sort of dreamy and playful. Great ...

I liked some of your ideas here, probably the ones under "silence", "cheerful", and "wise" the most. However, you delivered them a little blandly. They would be more striking if ...

First of all, a few little things: "Take my hand (,) don (') t let me be. " "I ' m sorry for the pain (I've) caused, I love you ...

I'm not sure I can offer any advice on how to improve this, but I can say that I really enjoyed it. You're writing is very descriptive and the pace ...

First of all, try editing out all the punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors. That will make it so people will read through it and comment on the actual writing rather ...

Overall, it's nice. you have some good imagery, though a little cliched. It describes a pretty picture but oher than that, i didn't find much meaning. I like the sound ...

Hey there! First, you should start by spacing out the paragraphs so that it's easier for people to read it. The hiss like [hiss-like] screams of the creatures were amplified ...

Ooo! A story with violinists in it! Very cool. I like the description of their performance. the music and dancing is described quite well too, but i didn't get a ...

Excellent poem, very powerful and melancholy. A deathly chill reaches the field To cover the bodies of the men who dropped. I agree about "reaches" maybe not being the best ...

This is pretty good for a start and for collecting your ideas, but it could use some polishing. Eerie silence. So much as an insect[']s step is heard. Do you ...

Knall but forcibly brought from his pleasant nap. This didn't make sense to me. I think you want to reword it. “Bout’ time your (you're or you were) awake." The ...

Really good prologue! There was only thing that bothered me: The night was still, and Isaac could hear the man wetting his lips with his tongue. I dunno, but it ...

I just finished reading the trilogy and loved them all. The first one was really good, fast-paced, full of action and all that. Lirael was good at times but was ...