Summary:
The hiss like screams of the creatures were amplified by the empty hall way. Their battle cries sounded, and rang in multiple. The dooming era of night was coming, and they were sucking it in. No, not just sucking it in, they were absorbing it like sponges. And I in the mist of it all was faced with a decision worse than life or death.
Waiting for me in the room would not be my death. No those creatures were not going to kill me, and it was not what my body was trembling in waiting free of.
And I knew what I was after. Who I was supposed to be after, but with indecision I began moving towards my death. But it was worth a good cause. It was to save two things their importance changing to me. One was to save the entire universe multiple worlds. The second to save a person that could mean the most to me.
Prologue:
“Your getting a little too far into this don’t ya think?” She didn’t say anything just glared at the strange colored soup in front of her, and occasionally looking up at the Woman behind the counter who was looking at her, as if she was supposed to eat it.
She gazed around the inn. I could tell she thought ordinary plain extern was nice for once. She had to have stared about everywhere…except for the arrogant blonde across from her.
“Whatever, don’t listen to me then. Fine.” He shot an angry look.
She sighed and leaned back finally meeting his scrutinizing gaze.
“What do you know?” I could hear her own voice come out irritated.
“I know that it’s not long before those wings come sprouting out of your back too.”
I remembered it now like it was a scene from the good old days. Like some one else story playing back for me. But a story I constantly had to abandon remembering, because it made me angry. I could read as far as I wanted but when I reached a certain part the pages wouldn’t turn.
The girl stood up and slammed her palms on the table. Her shoulder set and her jaw clenched at her companion’s attitude.
“Citrine, do not talk about them like that.”
Citrine looked at her indignantly.
“You’re the one who joined that soul-stealer of a fairy.”
She shot him a look, and how he returned it I knew it wasn’t over.
“Just because Demons and fairies don’t get along you don’t have to-”
He snorted and rolled his eyes
“Of course we don’t get along, you have your girly little fairies and then you’ve got demons strong powerful demons!!”
She slouched back in my chair, sighing. He always got like this, still does when they discuss fairies. There was something the angry Light Demon hated about them.
“Look.” He whispered in a softer voice. “I just don’t think they’re trust worthy.”
She nodded and frowned. He stared at her while she left the table.
“I don’t either.” She put her hand on the door knob, but then looked back at him. “See ya later.”
She threw the door open and jumped out. I could feel the world swirling around her, and when she opened her eyes again, the sickening dizziness had stopped. I gazed around.
I noticed something vaguely, a flickering light emerging from the corner of the hall way and then dispersing as the figure producing it dashed away.
Something made her angrily aware, her eyes widen as they felt the sensation. It was the same feeling of when dust scatters in your eyes, and you can’t seem to get it out. But she didn’t even try to rub her eyes because she knew what was going on.
The color of bright orange with flickers of crimson covered her naturally green eyes. The sensation was gone, but the normal eyes were still tinted by the colors.
Like a computer wave they sought the light that had passed through just a few moments before. A targeting system was tracking them down, the red dot seeked it out, and in an instant she turned the next corner and saw it.
Its hunched body bent closer to the ground, as it tried to curl itself away from her. It dark gray form turned darker until it blended in with the blackness of the stone halls.
But centering under it still white eyes, and under the non-existent nose, was the same light she had seen early. The name was a Reaper Demon.
The creature hissed in utter pain as it gazed towards her eyes. It backed up trying to find a way out. By now all of them knew who she was.
She held her hand out, before a long silver chain appeared in it. Swinging on that chain was a small stone red lily, currently open, for it was day time.
A casual smirk filled her face. “Got you.”
Like a vacuum the lily sucked in The Reaper, and with that small burst of light it had vanished. The lily’s form bulged for a seconded, and then it slowly returned to its nearly flat stone shape.
The cell phone in her pocket vibrated, and just flipping out the screen she saw who it was, and ran back to the room where Citrine was waiting.
“It’s the boss we’ve got to go.” The door was slammed open, as she yelled for him to come.
He frowned and ran with her, as we progressed through the hollow castle.
The girl was stunning I had to admit. Right now I couldn’t tell what I was. Maybe I was something lingering in the dark, or a small particle following her, but I didn’t know. I didn’t know at all. I knew what they were fighting, but I didn’t know why. Or what I had to do with it. And I knew I couldn’t leave her side, in fact I wasn’t even able too.
“Another Hunt?” Her companion asked. She struggled to keeps up with his non humane speed. He noticed the color of her eyes, as the slowly crept back to their norm, the mix of colors during the change back was still noticeable.
She nodded sharply lips pursued shut, as she tried to keep up her exhausted strength.
“As I said before you’re too far in.” Citrine muttered.
She shook her head and speed up as they busted out of the abandon castle’s door.
The forest was strange in the night. Its usual sunny day time look had been deserted, and its trees loomed over head casting shadows. The branches creaked when the wind shook them, and in the dark their leaves looked like warnings. And the rustling was the alarm.
She ran along the hard dirt ground, and as they came closer and closer to the hideout, I shot a look toward Cit.
His mouth was pulled back in a yet to be uttered snarl and his eyes were blazing with excitement. His muscles were tense and his demonic nature was visible when he ran.
And then I knew it had been a long time since he had hunted.
Fairies and Demons are very different things. Fairies being dainty and light, when they hunt them use different tactics they use strategy verses strength.
While Demons use pure strength reverting back to their animalistic nature.
That’s why they had wanted her to join, because she was the combination of not only them both, but a third party also.
A small shack was in the corner off to the side of the dirt road in the empty forest. Its windows cracked, and the roof titled to one side. Its wood paneling was crawling with termites, and even the plants that were once plotted in the cracked pots, had withered away.
And in an instant they both slowed down and turned into the shack. In the first moment they opened the doors, the chilling deep voice of The Boss greeted them.
His rough undertone evident, as he used his introducing voice addressing unknown people in the room.
“See here men, Coming in is the Demon Citrine, and the third human.” He paused a little waiting for the men to get a good look at her eyes that were still reverting back to green.
“Fire Eyes. Our new Reaper hunters.”
I heard muffled voices. Fire eyes shut her eyes briefly an irritated look in place.
.
I gulped in thought, as now I was thoroughly immersed in my dream. See Reapers weren’t anything, well they were once something, but then something else had turned them into Reapers. And I wondered if tonight I would figure out what those reapers were.
The girl, Fire eyes, stood up to speak, and I tried to contain my eagerness for some sense.
Her eyes were cold and hard, when she spoke.
“We’ve found the forth human.”
Than I felt frustrated, but only for a few seconds. Why, because the horrible realization hit me.
I was waking up.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey there!
First, you should start by spacing out the paragraphs so that it's easier for people to read it.
Eh? try rewording the last part of the sentence.
I thought she wasn't going to be killed? and the "entire universe multiple worlds" is...not making sense. if the whole universe needs to be saved, that includes multiple worlds already.
I'm not sure who the narrater is at this point,
good description of the dust in the eyes, but that "of" should be an "as".
I like the description of the dark leaves as warnings.
you used "cracked" twice here. maybe substitute the second one for "crumbling pots" or something.
Aha, now i understand who the narrater is. it is unclear at the beginning, though, that the narrator is describing a dream.
This was pretty good, with nice ideas, and with a little tweaking, those ideas could become clearer.
The main thing you should try doing is going through and editing out spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, and awkward wording.
Anyway, I hope this helps and keep writing!
There are a few run on sentences, and in the beginning it's hard to tell who is the narrator.
Also, things are happening a little fast, and there aren't enough details in some areas.
There is a part where you say "Fire eyes shut her eyes." Saying 'eyes' after her name sounds strange. Perhaps if you said "Fire eyes glared at them" or you could change her name, calling her something that means 'fire eyes.'
This is a really good story. I like what you are doing with demons and fairies. Please write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^o^V