Published January 12, 2008
Shaking hands and desperate sighs,
Listen to my scream of screams,
Your life and mine the fear of fears,
Take my hand dont let me be.
The touch of sight in rightful mind,
Your love fufills the dream of dreams,
Im sorry for the pain ive caused,
I love you now forgive me please.
I dont know why or what to say,
I feel control the sign of signs,
This fortunate strength of strengths
Your faith prolongs this love of ours,
Shaking hands and desperate sighs,
Listen to my scream of screams,
your life and mine the fear of fears,
take my hand dont let me be.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I really could feel your emotions in this poem. It was really deep, and it spoke to me.
I think all the errors are already pointed out; I couldn't find any more.
Great poem!
Personally, I really REALLY liked this poem. Just a few little things...
as Twinflower said, you need to put in some appostraphes and commas in. That might make the flow even better.
This part doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest, and I think that word has something to do with it. I would try to work with that a little bit.
Wonderful Job!
Happy Writing!!!
~Bella~
nice, i like the first, i forget what their called, group of stanzas and the last. im wikid new to this sight too, check out my story topic24480.html
First of all, a few little things:
"Take my hand(,) don(')t let me be. "
"I'm sorry for the pain (I've) caused,
I love you(,) now forgive me please. "
"I don(')t know why or what to say,"
And the same with the last stanza.
I liked the repetition of the first stanza at the end, and the "scream of screams" thing worked. It had a pretty good flow without anything jarring.
I would suggest adding some fresh imagery to the poem to support the idea you have. that way, it will be more original and interesting. Overall, good job and keep writing!