Trident

Thanks all! And thanks Fand for knighting me! I shall bring honor and light back to YWS and keep out the craptastic work that keeps invading our hallowed lands.

It was nice, gyr. Good flow and description. One thing I noticed that seemed out of style: the word "hoodie". It's a common word used by us younger people, but ...

Sorry, I can't say I really liked this piece. It was too, well, substanceless. There is no story. At first, it looked like there was going to be some profoundness... ...

Part II RELIC-- The sun shined through the window onto her face. The morning tired her old bones, yet she rose day after day. It took a great deal of ...

Part II The morning sun bounced off the granite walls that towered above him. Small shadows of tree branches swaying in the wind danced in the light and a brief, ...

I have slivers after that altercation. Okay, do you think I should have him reliving this moment and add action instead of dialogue? I have considered dumping the whole beginning ...

She's a machination of his subconscious mind. Her purpose is explained later. Wouldn't you invent someone in your loneliness? :cry:

Well I just found the other chapters. They weren't listed on the Other Fiction page so I assumed this was an isolated piece. That would definitely change what details I ...

Well, I read the first part a while back and commented on it. I just read through the rest. I'll just comment on the earlier ones that I thought the ...

Thanks for the comments. They were very constructive. Poetry is not a strong suit for me, but I dabble here and there. Perhaps I can get a bit comma happy. ...

I would say the transition is quite both actually. It took me a couple times of going back a few paragraphs to realize she had become queen. But that could ...

:oops: I suppose that's what you get for copying and pasting. :wink: