Oracle's Possession

Trident: Thanks, I hate the typos *kills typos*

Well, I read the first part a while back and commented on it. I just read through the rest. I'll just comment on the earlier ones that I thought the moving statue idea was absolutely brilliant.

This crit will be mostly on the last section.

she didn’t care for appearance and usually could tell a person’s personality by the way they interacted with her

Miss Prudent sat at her table reading handwritten letters. Occasionally she would lift her head to see her student engaged in writing a poem, adding colourful borders and eloquently applying flourishes of silver ink.

Monessa left the wet paper and read through the poem. She had chosen William Blake’s “The Sick Rose” and spaced it evenly down the page. Nodding in satisfaction, she got up set herself before Miss Prudent.

On the night of the fête, Mr Tull had come up to her attic and provided her with exciting news.

The crow feather allowed her to write finely.

“No!” he wrapped her up in his arms and sat a cushion of air.

Mr Tull will take care of you. I’ll always be here to protect you, no matter how much of my magic I use.

His words puzzled her. She wasn’t aware of what could possibly hurt her and thought through what he had said. Monessa locked them into her mind, hoping one day she would know exactly what he was talking about.

Bookebrithil: Thanks for reading, I'm glad I was able to create the world and not have too much 'info dump'. If you have any other comments I'll appreciate your post.

hmm... I was happy about the fact that you introduced this new world, and its culture in such a short space, but it didn't seem crowded. um... Yeah, great story!

Shafter: Thanks! That tree sentence has been edited XD 'aforesaid' was about the mage because I just mentioned them and didn't want to use 'mage' again.

I've never read the Earthsea Trilogy so I'm not sure what you meant there.

I do love the violin but I've never played it. Thanks again!

Wow-- I just read part one of your story, Myth, from Monessa's point of view. It's awesome! You quickly set up the fantasy world (with aeroplanes! Who knew?) I love the first sentence; it really drew me in.

I'm going to read the next part soon, but in the meantime, I found a few nitpicky things you might want to look at... that's my job around here, it seems.

Myth wrote:She was perched in her favourite oak tree that grew twisted into an obscure shape, with a telescope in hand.

From her position Monessa could make out the difference between humans and mages—the aforesaid were in uniforms of dark grey and sapphire, each had a brooch of two gem-drops in peridot and emerald, colours associated with mages. The wealthy humans wore clothes in flamboyant shades while the lower class made do with their Sunday best.

Thinking about the distinction, Monessa branded her Name on her tongue. She didn’t dare say it out loud in fear of someone overhearing it. Like all mages, Monessa kept her True Name hidden. Names were sacred to mages, like religion was to the humans. It was a closely guarded secret and would never be revealed to humans or mages alike—once a Name was exposed, enemies had an advantage to destroy the unfortunate mage.

Cecilia had no need of a microphone to project her voice. She was slender with golden brown hair, falling to her hips, braided in yellow ribbons. Her long dress was cream and black with sleeves tight at the arm and wide at the wrists. The mage brooch was pinned to her chest.

She had never liked The Pans, except for the violinist, Marcus, who was quite good-looking and didn’t fuss over her.

(Editing)

Gry: Yay! I love it when critics point out the little things, I always seem to miss them out when it comes to my writing.

*

sited = placed I didn't think that was awkward but I'll think about editing it.

Do you mean that they copied him despite the style being out of fashion or that they followed the current fashions?

Missing a period after "Mr" I think

I'm sorry, Myth, I only got to the first chapter so far, so please forgive me. Very intriguing I must say, only a few suggestions.

He was the first spiritual entity the humans had ever encountered and this stunned them with both horror and wonder.

had painstakingly been sited in a way that a crowd could surround it and catch sight of all the action.

The master swept his hands to present each stall.

He had slicked back his greying hair and parted it along one side in a style that was out of fashion—the male apprentices had spent the morning smoothing their hair to perfect their appearance.

Mr Tull

From her position she could make out the difference between humans and mages—the aforesaid were in uniform of dark grey and sapphire with brooches made of two gem-drops in peridot and emerald, while humans were in ordinary clothing.

Like all mages, Monessa kept her True Name hidden. To mages a Name was sacred and never revealed to humans or mages alike—once a Name was exposed enemies had an advantage to destroy the unfortunate mage. Oracles, celestial beings, decided the fate and Name of their charges and advised the mage Council to keep peace with humans.

an earlier age of ten

Thinking about this she glowered. She hated the idea of leaving Weir House, if Mr Tull was not to be her official master, she wasn’t going to be very pleased.

However, there was a haunting atmosphere to their pieces because of Cecilia, the lead singer, as her voice was mesmerising and entranced those who heard her hypnotic chanting.

She frowned, her brow creased with deep lines and her right eye closed.

She zoomed out as the last instruments, a violin and an oboe, added to the song

the children focused on the music than anything else.

The whole of the Continent had been blessed to hear such incredible pieces from a very small group and human critics favoured The Pans so much that they had an impeccable reputation with humans and mages.

She firmly hung on the idea of old enchantment, learned from the Ancient World or possibly their Abilities were musically combined and found it surprising that it had no affect on her.

workout

When the woman had left her alone, she was quick to dispose of it in the lake. It still lay at the bottom, unwanted.

(Editing)

Sureal: Thank you for reading!

I didn't want to go into too much detail what the background of mages and their magic was, I need help on that.

I like what you've written so far . I especially like the characterisation - all the characters feel distinct.

I'm not too sure what critisms to make - so far the story is rolling along fine. I suppose we could maybe have a bit more insight into the background of magic and the mages.

RS: Thanks for taking the time to read through.

1st part:

I didn't want to go into too much detail what the world looked like. I tend to give too much description most of the time and this happened with my old piece of OP, I concentrated more on what things looked like rather than the story and got no where. As I am editing C1 I will think about giving a vivid picture of the world.

2nd part:

The general idea here was to get Sebastian's point of view but still more change is needed once I start rewriting.

3rd part:

I wanted to show what Monessa was up to while Sebastian was outside. This is the most important scene and I guess I did do somethings right. I think I'll change the end of Sebastian's entry to make it clearer to understand.

Once again thank you for pointing out what others missed. If anyone else has something to add I'll be grateful.

-- Myth

1st part:

Uhh, well, I'm really not sure what to say here. The writing seems rather simple, yet this isn't a negative factor, not really. There just doesn't seem to be enough description. You only say what's relavent to the character at hand, and don't really bring the world alive at all. I get a good sense of who the characters are for this point in the story, but I can hardly see the world. With this taking place in an alternate modern day earth (at least that's the implication I got with the micophone comment), you should bring London more to life. My mind kept thinking it was a fantasy world and had to keep pulling myself back to the fact that it was an alternate earth.

Her friend Sebastian was last, and as he bowed his long hair fell over his face, causing him to blink and brush it back quickly.

(Editing)

(Editing)

Aeroman: Welcome to the site again! I see your already getting to work by critiquing.
Snoink: Oh my God! Snoink commented on my work and liked it. *dies happy* I've never really been taught how to write a story, from an early age I always wrote this way so I guess its a gift. By the way. What did you mean by reversal? Do the names of your characters not gove them a sort of 'power'?
Jak: Another new member! Welcome, greetings, salutations!

Thanks for commenting guys. I really appreciate it. Now I'm determined to continue.

You have a very good way of ordering simple words to make them sound really effective. I loved reading it so keep up your good work!

I read this before, but I didn't comment. And I reread it again and still didn't comment. And now I feel guilty. XD

No, seriously, I love your style. It's so simplistic and pretty. You use lovely words, changing your verb forms often to create a constantly moving story that not only moves from the action but just by the words dancing on the screen. And that's a gift that I rarely see, so I commend you for that.

Also, the way you portray your ideas is quite pretty! I like the idea of the mage being nameless. It's quite funny (and enjoyable) for me to see this since, with my story, it's the exact opposite. Names are a sign of power, and I never thought of names being something else. This story delighted me with that reversal, but it was written so subtly that it didn't pound it into my face or anything... I liked it quite a bit.

So yeah. You have an absolutely lovely style and I adore your writing. Keep it up girl!

You wrote that very well, I enjoyed reading it a lot and I have no complaints. Keep up the great work!

Wings: No complaints at all?
Phorcys: Yup. I've been working on it for a very long time and hopefully the fortune-teller scene will still serve its purpose.
Trident: Eek! That was me being lazy. I couldn't find a way to write what it was like, I may rethink that part.

^ Thanks for taking and interest and reading! I hope to have a positive feedback once the next part is posted. I'll add why the mages have their real names hidden in the above post too, just to clear things up.

-- Myth

Nice and flowing. Cryptic, yet informative. Nice job. One suggestion:

The woman had no need of a microphone to project her clear voice.

A much improved and much more interesting first scene to Oracles possession Myth, I liked this and it kept me interested in teh world throughout. Plus It was much more clear than the first installment.

Wow, this is wonderful. I loved it! Very interesting, I can't wait for you to post the next part! I don't have any complaints.

Thanks for the compliment *beams*

I like to go for traditional stuff and most books I have read usually have wizards/mages with birth names that they keep hidden as a name is precious and is part of the character. So if a name is revealed the enemy has a slight power over the mage, etc.

Further comments are welcome before the new part is posted.

How do you write so well? Nice job Myth!!
There was only one thing I had a question about and that is why did the mages hide their name? Besides that though it was very good!