Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: A really short piece that...uhh...doesn't really have a plot exactly but it is a nice little tale nonetheless and the poem at the end is a pretty nice touch to it. It sounds pretty good and overall its a nice little story. Not much of a message or anything but it's well written and certainly enjoyable. The setting seems heavily inspired by something like Tolkien and that's definitely not a bad thing just that it doesn't seem to be too unique.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The Men were the strongest in numbers and tactics, yet political struggle from within caused their downfall. A joint alliance between the Elves and Dwarves brought them to a final end on the Great Bankshire Hills.

The Dwarves, not content with the Elves' claim over the hills, went underground in an effort to strengthen their forces and wait out their elven counterparts' siege of their lands. A horrible plague swept across their enormous subterranean web of cities and killed the majority of their kind. A distinct smell emanated from the victims, leading to the Dwarven proverb, "Walk not where death's smell is putrid." Many suspected that the Elves had something to do with the outbreak.

The last kingdom to fall was that of the superstitious Gnomes. They were easily exterminated by the highly advanced Elves and it was said that the Elven king himself actually drank the blood of those he killed from a golden chalice, a symbol of Elvish purity.

The Elves, the only remaining race, left the lands by sea, searching for new lives and a second chance. What they found was not at all what they had expected, and instead of a new thriving society, their race slowly came to an end.

Thanks for the comments. They were very constructive. Poetry is not a strong suit for me, but I dabble here and there.

Perhaps I can get a bit comma happy. Those commas can be quite evil.

I loved this. Always been a fan of stuff like this.

About the foreword- The main thing I had a problem with here was excessive use of commas, which kind of broek the flow. As in-

A horrible plague swept across their enormous subterranean web of cities, and killed the majority of their kind.

Many suspected that the Elves had something to do with the outbreak, but this was never proven.

But they bled from wounds self-ingrained, and died on Bankshire Hills.

Their blood, we drank, from deep within out pristine golden chalice

Interesting foreword. I’m not much of a poetry critic but the poem used short details to describe the events without being longwinded. It had an air of Tolkien-ism about it.