Trident

Okay... this is my take on the poem. There are two relationships perhaps, but the narrator has found someone else and is now telling the other person that they are ...

There's really nothing in this poem that hasn't been said a million times by lame songwriters. So why should we treat this poem as if it's different? Try some original ...

The rhyme scheme was more like a jingle than what your material suggests. It didn't appeal to me at all. I also think your lines are abstract. They don't give ...

Hi, I felt that you had very little, if any, imagery to work off of here. The poem may elicit feelings for you because you know what is behind these ...

I'll give this one a thorough crit, and read up to five and six, though those will come later. A bit of a slow start for action, I would think. ...

Ah, it's refreshing to read this one again. A cigarette dangled from the corner of Claude's mouth , [s]and[/s] its smoke curl ing in[s]to[/s] the air. It coalesc ed with ...

Hey Chandni. I'm unsure why the first stanza, and some of those other stanzas are in quotes. Do they really add anything? Considering they are in the same style as ...

Hi sasquash. Take some time and try and figure out wha tyou want to say with that first part. It doesn't really make much sense the way it is and ...

Hey Adam. There were a few things I wanted to point out plot-wise, especially a couple inconsistencies I saw. You say the beast cannot be harmed by bullets, knives, etc. ...

Hm... literary style it seemed to me. Okay, the one thing I have to comment I like is the eccentricities of the characters. Marbles and cremation are an odd combination ...

Hi Baroness. A few issues here: The colored eyes rather get to me. It's cool to have different colored eyes than normal, but it gets old if everyone has them. ...

A bit purple in the beginning, but a lovely little piece nonetheless. The word 'it' in the fourth paragraph got on my nerves some. Perhaps a re-wording would do you ...

Ha, I'm in the middle of Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" right now, so this is comparably fast! I don't think there is anything wrong with the narrator in the first section. ...

I'm rather sorry that I don't really have the inclination to leave a detailed crit (IMP has captured some beautiful points). But I would like to leave a few comments. ...

Story One This has improved greatly since I last read this, Jiggity. Nicely done. This is very tightly written and the drag is at a minimum. I'm looking for barebones ...