Swires

Ok, sorry my other post didnt praise this. I finished it and I liked it - weird plot is good. Nice ending and I can see this leading into an ...

No, you didn't take my "describe through character" advice. THere is a huge prelude of description that is seriously clogging up the story. Its strange, outlands just isn't like this, ...

Not really original, you have just substituted boy and wolf...

Thank you. I know what you mean about Derren - hes sort of trapped in a crypt sulking bitterly. Maybe I could add sympathy their, OR add a flashback/past chapter ...

... What is the motive for destroying Green? Nice, wacky little piece. but I dont get it lol.

Reading this again I can see its slightly over descriptive and understand the points you have presented. It all seems a little sudden for the father to act, I admit. ...

Ok - everyone who has read the story so far. Now I want story comments: What do you think of the story and where it is leading? Are you interested ...

A great poem in which shows rhyming can work.

This doesnt have the look or feel of a poem - it seems more suited to prose. Perhaps this is best in the "other fiction" forum? Read through this as ...

It was melodramatic - but I think it was intended that way. I liked it, Im notsure why but I did. The only thing that perhaps needs work is imagery, ...

I think Brad picked up everything - again I didnt understan anything.... just my opinion. You may want to clear things up.

Ive nothing to add to this - it was a beatutiful poem and very meaningful - useless critique but Ive nothing to correct.

Consider reading the Crucible by Arthur Millar.

Proofread your work and add formatting.

lol - a strange piece but amusing none the less. Grammar is sound, I have nothing to correct. I can imaging this on stage or on TV in the form ...