Mr. Finch would always drive that yellow car down to the drugstore on Monday mornings. Joey and me would sit on top of his fence and wave to him every single monday morning. Mr. Finch would always wave back. Mr. Finch was a balding man and at the age of 70, the oldest living man in the north side of the city subarbs. He always greated us with a smile and a wave of his huge hands and a quick "Hey son!"
Joey and me lived for his hellos.
When we were about 13, Joey started to drift away from me and he started joining the more popular boys in school. He started smoking and drinking alchohal. He also joined the Evenston Gang, the most reckless of the lot. He had to take a dare to join, but i didn't find out till much later. Meanwhile,
I still waited for Mr. Finch every morning. Sometimes the Evenston Gang would come by and chuck rocks at Mr. Finch's car. Joey would stare at them and chuck rocks half heartedly. But when he saw me he would always chuck them harder.
At high school, i now started to hear bad things about Joey. People were starting to say that the Evenston gang would gang up on a girl and rape her. I heard this from bits of conversations becuase people would always shut up when I was near because I was Joey's old friend.
One day in the middle of fall, Mr. Finch comes out right on time on Monday morning. I see The Evenston Gang coming towards him. I see Brock, the leader mutter something in Joey's ear. Then i see a horible thing.
He hands a gun to Joey and Joey points it at Mr. Finch.
I yell," Joey don't do it!"
but Joey doesn't listen to his old pal anymore," I'll do what I want! Just getting rid the world of one more nigga and makng room for more of us white people" They all laugh.
Mr. Finch turns around and smiles at them all," hello all you fine young men! Joey how nice to see you again!"
Joey stares down at his feet. I can see hot sweat rolling down his forehead.
" Hello Mr. Finch" he replies.
Brock shakes his head in disbelief. "You know this nigga?"
Joey nods and Brock shakes his head again." You KNOW this nigga? Correction! You KNEW this nigga!"
and with that, he steals the gun from Joey and shoots a bullets at Mr. Finch.
They miss Mr. Finch but hit his yellow car.
"Run!" Brock yells," THE ENGINE'S GONNA BLOW"
We all run away. Just then, I see Mr. Finch and Joey un moving. Joey's pulling Mr. Finch away from the car. and Mr. Finch is taking small steps. Joey catches my eye and we both know he's not gonna make it. I grab Mr. Finch and Joey grabs his other arm and we hoist him up. I see a crowd of smoke blowing from his engine. Mr. Finch grunts and I see a trickle of blood on his arm. I look at Mr. Finch and he's not hurt. but then i turn to Joey. his chest is covered in blood and his arm is soaked with it.
"Joey.. " I start to say as we neered the other side of the streat.
"Don't worry about it." He said. "I did it in the end"
Just then the car explodes and I jump. We are safe.
Mr. Finch hugs Joey" You did fine son, fine."
Joey says" I hope i did fine."
Then Joey closed his eyes and died right in front of me. My 2 best friends were gone forever.
HINT:
Instead of just telling people what happens; try telling them the way they did it, how they felt, what was going through their minds.
E.g.
"We all run away"
Put something like;
"We turned round, her hearts beating heavily, each beat felt like a bullet being pushed in and out of our chests, we began to run, blah blah blah."
I don't actually know, but put more thought and feeling into it anyway. Well, that's what my English teacher said. :]
Nice Story. 
Spelling errors, but not very noticable
I agree, I think more detail around the shooting part would be better.
Also, I don't quite get the last sentence. 2 best friends? Is Mr. Finch's car really considered a best friend?
I really enjoyed your story, Jj.
Nothing else is needed to be said, because it has already been said.
BFF, Lucy
This was intersting. I really liked the begining. Try describing things a little bit more, it will make it more intersting. You also have a few spelling mistakes, and I'm sure you,ve already heard, space out between your paragraphs so its easier to read.
That was interesting, but I would have liked it better if you described the moment in which Joey changes his mind from wanting to kill Mr. Finch to trying to save his life. There are also a lot of moments when you don't give enough description, and it seems like a plot outline instead of an actual story.
Show, don't tell. I'm sure you've heard it. But I'd like to see Joey die, not just hear about it. (Talk about his eyes going glassy, or his pulse of blood disapearing or something.)
Always punctuate at the end of the sentence, even if it's someone's quote. Exclamation points, periods, question marks, dashes, they all contribute to the sentence.
There are a lot of little errors that a simple proofread could take care of. (I's not capitalized, like Flemzo pointed out, spelling errors, tense changes, stuff like that.) If you can't find any, tell me and I'll come back and do a line by line critique, but I don't really think that's necessary.
Formating is really important. More paragraphs would make this easier to read.
Un moving is not a word. Unmoving is, but it's not a very good one. Still, perhaps? Stationary? Transfixed? And that's not even counting the clichés for still. (Rooted to the spot, etc.)
The narrator seems pretty blank. I'd like some personality from him/her: you talk about how he/she's witnessing Joey's transformation, but not his or her reaction to it. How does this one character's conflict affect the people around him?
Good luck, keep writing.
-Jenna
First off, like many people are going to say, space your paragraphs better. On here, you should enter twice for each new paragraph (like you'll soon see, once I make a new point).
There are a few punctuation errors throughout, but they can easily be cleaned up. Also, capitalize I's. And spell out "two" in the last line.
While on the subject of last lines, is the second best friend the yellow car? Just seeing if I'm right. Also, how did Joey get all bloody? I don't think I'm exactly right.
Finally, spelling errors (quoted in context, corrections in bold):
He started smoking and drinking alcohol. (tough word, I know)
"Joey.. " I start to say as we neared the other side of the street.
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