SushiSashimi333

The fact that you ended this with her asking for the song was pretty cool, I thought. I can see why she would like this, it's very nice, I wish ...

Okay, so I thought that the fact that this was a diary was pretty cool since I don't see too many of those. The only thing is that if you're ...

The very last stanza was very well brought out, the fact that you made it only two lines made it stand out and the fact that you wrote your thoughts ...

Waving at the little people, I think that this line really shows you, well what I understand is that you like to dream and are almost carefree, go with the ...

The ending was good and suspenseful, I like that you ended it with a question. I like the fact that you told us more about Melvin and what his life ...

Wow, this story was very intense, it took me a while to figure out who the characters were but I soon found out. This was very graphic, in a good ...

Never thought of wind playing with one's hair, I like the way you phrased it. The comma and period placement seems a little awkward, but I shouldn't be talking. Some ...

I feel that some of the parts you wrote were a little over described, but otherwise really good job! The word choice was wonderful and you title really does drag ...

I really liked the imagery out into this poem, I could just picture it all and feel the slight breeze. It took me a while to realize that you had ...

I really liked the imagery out into this poem, I could just picture it all and feel the slight breeze. It took me a while to realize that you had ...

When you say something and then contradict yourself it takes away from the mood a bit. "'Let's play.' with an even bigger grin on her face." I think that the ...

I thought that the beginning was a little unorganized, repeating things that were already answered but with a seemingly different answer each time. Starting with well sounds a little "funny" ...

Starting and ending with a question, very nice. Also your choice of words was good, using a complex word but not using too many of them, prefect. I do wish ...

I like how you compared describing love to describing water's taste, it was very ingenious. I understand your feelings about people telling you it won't work out, that's what makes ...

Whoa, the last part was pretty unexpected when you consider that her Grandma built this world and the she's the main character, I like that. The way you revealed little ...