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The Goddess Life Chapter 1

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The sun shined so bright it could hurt your eyes, but you just didn’t want to look away from it, but the moon didn’t because something extraordinary was happening. A small flash or flick came form the sun, it was bright, but not as bright as the sun. It drifted through the sky all the way to the moon and with one touch something began to form. A child with long flowing hair, the same color as the sun. With olive skin tone that compliment her moonlight eyes. 

The child looked around then spotted a small round circle and went to it. The closer she got the bigger it got, when she made it to the circle she looked back at the moon.

“This is where you will live darling.” The sound of the moons voice in her ears was lovely. She turned back to the circle, it was round shaped and pretty with the blues and greens.

“Live.” The only word escaping her lips, her very first word. With that one word she enters the circle and is engulfed by animals, trees, water, and mountains. Here she lived.

Over time, she got to know the animals, they helped her walk and run. The water animals even taught her how to swim. The little animals taught her how to climb the mountains. 

During the day she would run and swim and even make clothes for herself. At night she’d fall asleep in a cave with all the animals. They would keep her safe and she would keep them safe.

In the mornings she would find a tree to climb for food. There would be little notes by the trees that would tell which tree holds which fruit, so she’d have a different fruit everyday. From bananas one day to, apples, oranges, grapes, and more the next day. 

One day she found an area full of water, it was bigger than the one she swims in, so she just use it to bath. She also found a field full of flowers that had different smells, but they smelled really good. Picking some of the flowers so she could add them to her clothes, when she made new ones. 

Finding new things, searching even if she didn’t know what she was searching for, was fun in this unknown world, finding the unknown. She found this mountain, it had a very pointed top, like it was pointing to the moon or the sun once it came in the morning. So, she started climbing the mountain to see what she would find.

Once at the top, she sat down, closed her eyes, and listen to the wind. She heard a voice, a familiar voice, one she will never forget. The moon.

“Hello my little darling.”

“Hello.” She said with a big grin on her face.

“Look into the stars.”

She opened her eyes and looked at the stars. What she saw was pretty and was also known as her tale. She saw how a flick from the sun touch the moon and began to form into a child. She knew that child.

“Me.” She says.

“Yes darling, you.”

Then she saw some letters form in the stars above her head. L. E. A. H.

She cocked her head to the side and looked at the moon.

“That is your name my darling Leah, that is your name.”

“Le..ah.” She kept saying it over and over again until it felt right. “My name is Leah.” She looked back at the stars.

It showed the circle she first saw, but it was more round shaped. The stars formed more letters. G. O. D. D. E. N. I. A.

“Goddenia my darling, your planet.”

She looked at the earth underneath her.

“Goddenia.” Then looked back at the stars.

They started forming into a picture of a boy and a girl. She knew it was a girl because she looks just like the girl. Except her hair was darker and eyes where a different color. So she stared at the boy, he had short hair that came to his ears and covered, almost, all of his forehead. He had something over the bottom half of him. Sightly confused, she turned to the moon.

“Picture them there with you darling. Imagine them, give them life.”

She didn’t understand what the moon was saying, well, her mind didn’t but her hands did. She picked up some dirt and grass from the mountain and stood up. She looked at the stars and reached up for a star and two fell into her hand. Mixing the stars with the earth, she laid them on the ground and imagined a boy and a girl. Giving them a name, Ernie and Adan, they began to form. They looked at her, she at the moon.

“Congratulations Leah, Goddess of the unknown.” 

“Thank you.” She turns to Ernie and Adan and said, “Lets play.”

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Caesar
Review
Caesar wrote a review · Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:43 am

Alright so, I apologize for the comment below. I wanted to change tabs and ended up hitting the submit button. How silly.

As I was about to say!

I appreciate the fable-esque, fairy tale-like feel you were going for. It's very light and dreamy. However, I think you could make it even lighter and dreamier, and yet describe more. For example, when you mention she played with the animals and so forth. Give us snippets of what she actually did, like run around with the dogs (?) chase the squirrels (?) and so forth. When she swims, too. Perhaps her emotions/feelings, something more concrete, at least. I also like the child-like voice you constructed, but in some places, it's a bit... too childlike, you could say.

She found this mountain, it had a very pointed top, like it was pointing to the moon or the sun once it came in the morning. So, she started climbing the mountain to see what she would find.


Ah... must be a short mountain indeed, if you can actually see the 'pointed' top. Mountains aren't actually the little triangles kiddies draw on paper, you know. And even if this goddess is a kiddie, there's a difference between drawing one on paper and actually seeing one in its imposing might (?) from up-close. I don't know how old she is, or how the years would translate to human years, but climbing a mountain at a young age seems improbable, even for a goddess. You say the animals taught her... how? How do they communicate with her, anyways? And write notes for her, explaining which foods are edible and not? I may be applying too much logic here, this is meant to be a fairy tale, and probably targeted at young children. Willing Suspension of Disbelief wins again.

One more nit-pick.

The sun shined so bright it could hurt your eyes, but you just didn’t want to look away from it, but the moon didn’t because something extraordinary was happening.


too many buts, too many commas. Try something along the lines of: "The sun shined so bright it could hurt your eyes (who, really though?) but you just didn't want to look away from it, and the moon didn't because something extraordinary was happening"

The paragraph above is still horrible, but at least it's less so.

Hope I could help!
~Ita

User avatar
Caesar
Comment

Ugh, post fail.

When you say something and then contradict yourself it takes away from the mood a bit. "'Let's play.' with an even bigger grin on her face." I think that the "Let's play." part should only have quotes if the person is currently saying it, not if someone is telling what they're saying. I think the part that confuses me the most is that is seems like you switch from first to third person a bit. Maybe that's just me, but the writing style seems to change throughout. Really hard to explain but I look forward to seeing how this story turns out. Good work!

Thank you for the help :D :D :D :D

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davidechoe13
Review

Hey! Good story, there are just a couple of things i wanted to point out. The first being the first paragraph, it really seems to go from seemingly addressing the reader to first person and ending up being a 3rd person and then a present tense story.
The second thing i wanted to point out was that in your third sentence of the first paragraph you put: It drifted threw the sky-
I would like to say that in that context "Threw" would be "Through". Finally and the last thing i would like to point out would be your last sentence when you put "Turn" instead of "Turned" or "Turns" the way you did your tenses just really kind of threw me off there so i would recommend going back, clarifying what you are going for there. Otherwise, good job!

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BibiFern123a
Review

Hello I couldn't help but notice on my feed that this title caught my eye in seconds. I have always questioned how gods & goddesses came to be in a story but I just had to read this story since the title seemed to be calling out. I read this story & let me just say that the descriptive details you used were very good I could actually picture everything that you had put within this story. Also the story was simply amazing I actually read it twice! I love how the story line flows smoothly through the whole situation you created for this little goddess. Keep up the good work, I am looking forward to reading more of your work ;D



There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable