Sureal

Hello ^_^. ‘It was coming closer. A tall figure coming slowly as if a lion was ready to pounce on its prey. Autumn was trapped in the corner of a ...

Hello :). ‘There once lived some people’ - Not the most inspiring first words of the story. The rest of the sentence is an improvement, but still lacks quite a ...

I believe it would be for the best if you were to cut out the entire prologue (the first four paragraphs before the star line thingy). Trident is correct when ...

I agree with Vampirewolf3's points. Also, ‘The wind whistled through his makeshift abode scattering the tent flaps and giving this place a feeling of emptiness.’ - This place? It gives ...

‘There we're few survivors’ - we’re is short for ‘we are’ - you’re after the word ‘were’. ‘Four years had passed since the ancient spell was muttered and changes had ...

There's an overuse of words such as 'said' - apart from the first two times (to set down who is speaking), these aren't needed unless you want to convey a ...

This is good, but could maybe do with more description of the scene. What does the area look like? At the moment we get the lion's brief backstory, plus their ...

I liked your description of London :). With Yvette, may I suggest that it perhaps it would be better to describe her either after, or during the dialouge with her. ...

‘The wind howled in great gusts, blowing snow and ice against the base of a cliff. A figurein a white parka, huddled at the base of a narrow road. The ...

Read the piece. Whenever you naturally pause stick in a comma (which is a rough guide, but it gives you an idea). I think the story itself is okay, but ...

I like what you've written so far 8). I especially like the characterisation - all the characters feel distinct. I'm not too sure what critisms to make - so far ...

I found the opening to be rather, well, dull ;). Reading about a boy delivering turnips doesn't make for an exhilrating read. But once it got going (about half way ...

This was good, but I was confused by one bit. 'Where I found myself surprised me more than I would have admitted.' I was confused by the way we suddenly ...

This is a fair introduction, although it's riddle with errors. I suggest you read through it a second time to catch 'em :). (example: 'moves around at night, Filling her ...

This was well writen and an enjoyable read 8). However, there are a couple of spelling and grammar errors that detract from it a bit. The true fear of this ...