Sureal

Hello :). Your writing certainly shows some promise. Remember - the trick to becoming a good writer is to practice. A lot. Some things to consider: - You're character is ...

I'm sorry; I can't think of anything to crit with this, so I'll leave that to others more skilled in the sacred art of critting. Instead, I'll say what I ...

Hello gymnast_789 ^_^. The following crit is going to sound a lot harsher than the other’s you’ve had so far. Please note that this isn’t me being mean, but me ...

This could do with more telling, and less showing. At the moment you're just saying 'this happened, she spoke with this person, then this happened' etc, so that it reads ...

‘with her giving me a good-by kiss, I even though them beautiful,’ - ‘good-by’ = ‘good-bye’ (or ‘goodbye’). - ‘though’ = ‘thought’. ‘Still, when I finally understood and took

Hello again :). ‘My parents died when I was three, so I barely remember them.’ - I think this cold work better as an opening than the first sentence (simply ...

‘Lillith saw that if she looked for too long at the cloth, a lightheadedness started to overwhelm her.’ - ‘lightheadedness’ = light-headedness or light headedness. - How can she see ...

- Although is a fairly strong opening, it’s riddled with errors. Incorrect punctuation, missing words and awkward sentences detract from the story, and this would be so much better if ...

Some points: - One of the first things you did in your opening paragraph was establish how both of your characters look. We don’t actually need to know this right ...

kaolin: Remember, everyone here only wants to help you. The entire point of this site is for us to all improve our writing. Looking over this thread, I can see ...

'lo Phorcys 8). ‘The church was alight with candles and torches, a strong heat.’ - I’m not sure this is grammatically correct. I’ve read it multiple times and still can’t ...

Okay, although this is well enough written, none of your characters behave realistically. Let’s look at each character in turn: Joy: - An innocent girl, who appears to be madly ...

Um, what misspriss said. The missing spaces is the first thing that jumps out at me here. I can tell you know where they should be, as you don't always ...

Hi ^_^. ‘I had never been good about standing in front of a crowd, and even though there were only seven of them, it felt like the whole island on ...

Hello Myth :). ‘There was news of a freak down at the waterfront under Lebrent Bridge.’ - I love this opening line. It really caught my attention. ‘Maybe It had ...