StoryWeaver13

Ooh, I like this! :wink: It was strange and wild (in a good way) but also felt oddly meaningful to me. I'm insanely intrigued to see what the heck this ...

The thing that bothers me is...I was waiting for that "wow" factor the whole time. Like I was expecting something exciting to happen. There was also too much dialogue, I ...

As the person above me said, if felt like you were too focused on finding a rhymne and not enough on really capturing that emotion. I'll also agree that the ...

This is MY idea of maturity! Soon as I heard this, I thought "Oh, THIS is probably gonna be interesting... :lol: " First, the "fun" stuff. "roll play" should be ...

Aww, darn, when it comes to picking on you these guys beat me to it...just kidding. :P Since they've already given you a ton of critiques, I won't do any ...

This is so cute, I feel like I'm looking back at a chlidhood memory reading this! :lol: Now, a little critiques... With a hat and carrot nose, that suit him ...

Yay I love reviewing, so here goes... Just like every night, something would disturb the silence. I'd known my house was haunted since I was three. Scary, the exact same ...

I liked it, especially this line-- The solitude makes you feel complete. I don't know why, I just love the line. It was really relateable for me, I guess. *sighh* ...

Please, please don't take this personally...but this is kinda cliche. You had a couple of little mistakes and things that you could probably fix a little bit more, but nothing ...

Short, but interesting. There was something about your wording that seemed very meticulous to me, and I liked your comparisons and such. Although the "two worlds" thing is quite a ...

Like was already mentioned, just a little too vague and undescriptive. The rhyme scheme seemed slightly forced too. Still, I think there's potential in this. Keep writing. :wink:

Haha, this is a funny little poem - the thing I love about poetry is that as long as you can understand what it says, grammar can be tossed out ...

I kind of agree with Fan in most respects that have to do with this piece...it's too much telling, not enough thought or perspective. We got a quick view of ...

Grammar, grammar, grammar!!! Sorry, but I've got to put some emphasis on this. :) Sounds like it could be an interesting plot, just keep working on it and KEEP WRITING.

This is a decent poem, just a few suggestions. but now, you're pale, as white as a dove. Take away the comma after now. I wish I could tell you ...