My Snowman (Revised)

Thanks everybody!

This is socute, I feel like I'm looking back at a chlidhood memory reading this! Now, a little critiques...

With a hat and carrot nose, that suit him just right.

I think he must be sleeping,
Or afraid to move.
Maybe he's afraid to step,
'cause I didn't give him shoes!

I thought he would be cold,
from the constant snow barrage,
So I put him on my wagon,
and brought him to the garage.

I thought he might be grateful,
and maybe he would stay;
but leaving a puddle in his wake,
my snow man went away.
I really miss my snowman.
I'm feeling awful blue.
If only when he left...
He hadn't took the wagon too!

haha! I really loved this, it was cool.

kook9600 wrote:My best friend is a snowman.
I made him just last night.
With a hat and carrot nose, that suit him just right.
I think he must be sleeping,
Or afraid to move.
Maybe he's afraid because you used afraid in the previous line, this sounds... i don't know, like you can't think of another word. Maybe you could replace it with something that means pretty much the same thing, like scared to step,
'cause I didn't give him shoes!
I thought he would be cold,
from the constant snow barrage, loved the description
So I put him on my wagon,
and brought him to the garage.
I thought he might be grateful,
and maybe he would stay;
but leaving a puddle in his wake,
my snow man went away.
I really miss my snowman.
I'm feeling awful i think this would read better as 'awfully' instead of awful blue.
If only when he left...
He hadn't took the wagon too!