Stori

It's cool, Jabs. Write, by all means.

Awesome, girl. I laughed the whole way through. One thing I noticed, though, is you tended to end dialog with a comma, then launch into another sentence. Like this- "Get ...

Whoa. Slow down a bit. The whole thing just came to a head at the park scene. Explain that a bit more. What made him stop? Why didn't he care ...

It's good. I could actually hear it. Maybe you'll do a recording?

Good job Fangala! The end of the chapter was very suspenseful. I only caught one error, so kudos to you. She thought that bats were kind of cuddle- should be ...

This is good, but maybe you should expand it. Tell us more about the "web" you create with writing. Add more about characters, plot, etc

Don't forget capitalization. You should capitalize the first letter in each sentence. The Is, too.

I think you should flesh this out. Add some longer paragraphs, some description, that sort of thing. Right now, it's kind of boring.

You have a few spelling errors here. First, "no wear" should be "nowhere." "strait" should be "straight." Otherwise this is an interesting story.

I think you should change the names. Ray and Kay are so similar, they're bound to cause confusion later on.

First off, let me say that this is good. And second, "Every tricks" should be "every trick."

For a piece of fiction, this sure is written in formal language.

Ok, why do I see nothing but an emoticon?

Before anyone says anything they'll later regret, I like this.

This could use some punctuation, but otherwise it's cool.