Squall

Well magicman had said what I need to say. Not my favourite part but it flowed well and I believe it will lead to another conflict. Onto the next part.

Maybe I should read it. I've seen some copies of it in my school library.

Thanks for the help guys. I've edited it so it doesn't read like an info dump now (I hope lol)

I'm not a fan of love stories but you did this very well. It was straight to the point and flowed along nicely. The way it was written was nice ...

I like this. You portrayed the character well with the lyrics. I think this song suits well for rock or rap. It has that snappyness to it. Dunno what you ...

The second one was better. I wasn't pwned by info dumps like the first one did to me (ouchies) The background can be expanded on. That is, add some descriptions ...

I like riverlight. Seems quite upbeat and nice descriptions. Like to hear it in music form though lol.

Thanks. I'm trying to make this as uncliched as possible, so there wont be any garlic. Crosses and holy water though, but only as torture. ;D. I noticed that I ...

Nice grammer and word choice. Your sentences connected well and thus I didn't need to push myself to read it. Though, it's a bit short and I don't know what ...

Whoa it has been like 3 months since I last posted this and people are still reading it. Maybe I should extend this piece more.

This was good. I love your word choice. Simple and straight to the point. I also liked how the character is already starting to develop a relationship with someone. Makes ...

Hrmm interesting. I liked your word choice and what the character thought of the cave. I wished the sentences were more linked though. It seems to jump from one thing ...

I like this. Simple and straight to the point. I can picture the stars and how we all at times gaze at them and wonder "What is the real meaning ...

First off, violent misuse of ellispes!! That is '...' a technique for suspense in an unsuspensful story, it just doesnt work, Disrupts the flow. There were quite a few minor ...

Posted a quarter of chapter 1.