Snoink

Eh... the second part is interesting, but seeing as it is in third person and it centers on another character, it doesn't fit. Usually, if you begin to use another ...

Fanfiction is, technically, allowed, so you probably can post your stuff here.

I remember writing something like this when I had writer's block, lol. It was for school too, come to think of it. Anyway, this is a very nice story. Not ...

Okay, thanks to everyone that helped! Dad liked it a lot. He didn't cry or anything, but he did smile. I'm giving him laugh wrinkles! :) Anyway, thank you so ...

It seems like a story with line breaks more than an actual poem. And it's even stretching the bounds of narrative poetry... I would change it into prose. It would ...

Well... do you have a copy of the old version you can put here so I can compare them? Then I can show you why I liked the old version ...

I had to reread it to understand it better, but I did like it. It reminds me of that little play I did. XD The director just couldn't come up ...

Another thing... it's "Requiem."

It's interesting from the insane asylum point of view, but I found it a bit boring, and too jumpy. You go from one scene to the next without any real ...

Gah... you have such a dry tone. Why can't you be angsty and overdramatic like everyone else?

I reread this... it's still awesome. I mean... the word "beam" in the first line of the stanza... priceless!

Please, please, PLEASE do not plagiarize anything. >< I've heard this years ago, when I was in elementary school... This may be a variant of it, but...

The metering is completely off, and the poem is too negative to have a really strong effect.

This line is a little awkward: "The music’s beat is all we need to get by" Also, you need to change the title so it doesn't say "Timline." But otherwise, ...

Yeah... even I liked it. ;)