Requiem
They hate me, why?
What I do I try hard to please them,
But to no avail.
They never wanted me; I realize that now
Why they hate me?
I loved them like any son should.
I’ll end my life,
They won't care, so it shouldn't matter.
I’ll end this pain
Knife clasped in hand I end my life.
Blood on my bed,
My parents come in to see me dead.
They weep fake tears
How dare they pretend to cry, pretend to love me,
They should have smiles,
I know they hate me, they always did.
I get buried, why???
Could I be wrong did they love me?
After all, what have I?
Done??????????????
That graveyard is now haunted by
Me why did I?
Do it why? , I question my motive
I questioned life, why???
I questioned everything I even questioned
My parent love of
Me, why, why my parents loved me
I know that now
I was stupid and I see that now
It too late for
Me not, for you though
May somebody learn from this?
Mistake I made?
I just made this up
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Another thing... it's "Requiem."
Wow exelent.
I just made it up and i don't hate my parents, sorry if it morbid.
hmm... tis a good poem but i guess it doesnt seem very realistic to me. in the first stanza when you talk about ending your life, your tone seems a bit to casual.
LOL! This is funny. I mean...
Um...
I think knives are funny.
The first verse is thoughtful, the second is hilarious, and the third is overflowing with question marks. Too many, in fact. And that one is pretty funny too, now that I think of it. I mean really, "WHY?????????????????????????????????"
...I've been watching too much CSI.
Holy hail... this was .... good (O_O)
Too many question marks but... gosh....
You just made it up? Or are you really mad at your parents?
"They weep fake tears
How dare they pretend to cry, pretend to love me,
They should have smiles,
I know they hate me, they always did."
Morbidly this is my favorite part... I liked the fake tears part.
Whoa.... whoa...
Wow, first of all I just hope this isn't true.
You asked me to critique this piece, so here I am
They hate me, why?
What I do I tried hard to please them, (this line is a bit confusing, perhaps it should be 'try' instead of 'tried' or 'did'instead of 'do')
But to no avail.
They never wanted me; I realize that now
Why they hate me? (This should be: Why do they hate me?)
I loved them like any son should.
I’ll end my life,
They won’t care so it won’t matter. (They won't care, so it shouldn't matter...this fits better I think)
I’ll end this pain
Knife clasped in hand I end my life.
Blood on my bed,
My parents come in to see me dead.
They weep fake tears
How dare they pretend to cry pretend to love me, (How dare they pretend to cry, pretend to love me?)
They should have smiles,
I know they hate me they always did. (I know they hate me, they always did)
I get buried, why???
Could I be wrong did they love me?
After all, what have I?
Done??????????????
Overall, I think this poem has potential. There are some grammatical errors, I think I've covered most. However, I do think you need to create more imagery, and bring some emotion into this piece.
I hope that helped, happy writing!
ok, im pretty bad at criting in general and when it comes to poems man! but just cause you asked i thought i should write something
I really liked this poem, its just here
should it be parents? just wanted to check.
Sorry i couldnt be of more help