Snoink

That's because it's a fragment. Remember this sentence? The cat ran in the rain. You're basically saying: The cat the rain. You need a verb in there that is telling ...

"What makes you think it's not hiding?" would be the best actually, lol.

The first three stanzas are okay, but the fourth stanza makes the poem.

:P Well, this is the line that really bugs me: "Our pa e maker makes," What are you trying to say?

Crossgender is a word I made up for writing really quick, because I had to leave right then. So! If it has another meaning that could be used for writing, ...

The spaces and lack of letters make the poem hard to read and difficult to follow. And it makes it annoying as well. :P

Yeah... when I read the ending, my first thought was, "Where's the rest of the poem?" It doesn't really have a good conclusion, if you know what I mean. :P

Link fixed! Now you can actually see the picture! ;) Now that you see the picture, do you think obscure is better than surround? I think it's a good idea, ...

Awesome stuff, and, what's more, you stayed on topic! Good job. :)

So! What does anyone else think?

You're welcome. :) When I say "abstract" I mean it isn't specific. Most of this description is transcendent. You use very specific details to make a place seem blurry and ...

Aw, thanks Sarah! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :) I've finally figured out whether the guy is drunk or not... finally. Revised version coming soon! And Shadowdancer, ...

*coughs* 2 o'clock here. Glad to be of service!

:P It got hidden? I like it. But what style is it when it's not grunge or rap?

Yay! Critiques! Before I change anything, I have several questions. :) though the woman (her name was Alyssa) I personally hate this. The name of the character should be introduced ...