Snoink

I read it. What happened to Lanie made me cringe... That's a good thing. Nitpicks: Check the commas and see if they're necessary. I noticed a couple that seemed out ...

Hmm... this reminds me of a video game plot I made up! Or... at least made a comic of. *suddenly grows red* Okay! Follow Rei's instructions and you will be ...

It's hard to offer good criticism from what we see of it so far. It's rather bare, and we're not sure enough of the characters to tell who is saying ...

No... I've seen much better parodies of the bible. First, you need to get the language perfect for this to work. You're getting close, but not nearly close enough if ...

I'm no good at poetry, but I'll try to help. This is what your poem reminds me of: once again I'm praying to you and i promised to stay away ...

TBR! *shakes head and waggles finger* Well, I could go on and on about the grammar, but you can study that on your own time. (Yup! I'm mean. :P) Instead, ...

Er... the sentences should not be put in their own paragraphs all the time. Otherwise it gets annoying and makes the piece stop and go. Remember, in this dramatic piece, ...

Chapter One I once thought I knew fantasy. I knew what a necromancer was, I could say all the Harry Potter spells backwards and forwards. I understood the effects of ...

Lol! Okay, we don't want to know any spoilers anyway. :P But, if your plan is making her involved with a government of mythical creatures, then I advised you to ...

A gasp. A lurch. Another nightmare. He wakes, rolls toward her and puts his hand on her shoulder. She starts, shrinks from his touch. “Don’t.” Her voice is thick. Did ...

Well... the rhyming seemed very forced. And the metering didn't seem to make sense either. Also, "heavens" would actually be "heaven's" as it is possesive in that case. the thing ...

When you were partying all night long in my empty house, I was shaking in fear because I had to sleep with my gay friends in a same bunker. When ...

*ahem* Hell found me. I was being chased by the sentinels, but this would not have happened if I was a bit braver. It all begun long ago in 2006. ...

Okay... I can't help myself. Why did you write this for geography? XD Usually I would nitpick the story and quote it, etc., etc., but unluckily for you, that won't ...

Overall, I liked it. Then again, I'm fascinated with cutesy stuff, so it's not so unsurprising. Even so... comments! Provided that they are well paid for it. 'Cause an elf ...