Snoink

It's Jesus'. I know... you're supposed to put an s after every singular possesive subject, but for the case of ancient godly dudes, the s is omitted. Trust me on ...

Ah... a story with some resemblence to a plot... what a relief. The narrator: The narrator is confused. Her life has just been turned upside down. Her dad's moving away ...

Yes, it really is pretty. :) I would prefer a rhyme, but... maybe it doesn't need it. :P

:shock: You mean I get it and no one else does? How rare! Okay, I'm sure I'm spoiling it for everyone but... These lines tell it all: thats when i ...

I'll look over this tomorrow... and by tomorrow, I don't mean today, since midnight doesn't really count, LOL. From what I see so far, it seems to be an interesting ...

...waiting for a complement. It's compliment... notice the i. These words are very different, so look them up. The insult made me both comfused and melancholy. I wouldn't use "melancholy." ...

If this is the first paragraph that begins a story of the narrator's life, which may have to do with the friend or keeping secrets, this is fine. If you ...

HAHA! *ahem* I relate too much to this poem. It appealed to me, especially the content, thus I liked it very very much. It's nice to see that I'm not ...

Suddenly, the feeling of security is gone and replaced with one of fear. What is going to happen? Why does she feel that way? Expand a little more. Other than ...

Oh dear! The prologue is awesome! It reminds me of the first LOTR movie, where Gladriel is talking over... And it's so oralstorylike as well! And the idea is so ...

In this case, just because this seems to be a more classical piece of writing, I would rhyme it. The metering, in this case, wouldn't be as important as the ...

I don't know... The rhyming seems sloppily done. At first, you try, but then the rhyming gets increasingly more chaotic as the poem goes on. Plus, the metering seems way ...

"I hadn't sought to create a legend, but nor had a believed to see myself one." This sentence makes no sense. :? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to ...

If you used parallelism, it would be much better. I.E. When I was sad You gave me that hope When I was mad You gave me peace. When I was ...

It was interesting. The first line grabbed me. I didn't think these meshed in with the poem well: I'm just a dreamer, living in the land of the dead, I'm ...