Published November 16, 2005
I know something is wrong with this poem. I just cant figure it out. Will you give me suggestions?
>When I was at my worst
You showed me the light
When I was ready to give up
You wouldn’t let me
You saved my life more than once
You’re the only one I want
No matter who else comes
This love I have is hard as rock
I love so you so much
For this love I have is un altering
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"I love so you so much"
-One too many so's, I think.
Other than that, everyone's pretty much said what I was going to say. I'd prefer the poem though if you were a little more specific-make it personal to you.
If you used parallelism, it would be much better.
I.E.
Yeah. So you notice that in the first three stanzas, there are the "When I was" / "You gave me" sort of thing. This is called parallelism. If you had more of this, it would flow better.
I like it, but there is no rhythm! You don't have to make it like EXACTLY the same, just a little more... Together.
Notice how I put in the correct punctuations and seperated it into 2 line stanza's. Thats all I believe is wrong. Theres a lot in this poem. A lot of feeling and emotion. Keep it up.