Snoink

I think you need to have some parallelism. Separate your subjects: A soft velvet nose where just being able to touch it is like a kiss on the cheek. Big ...

:P It didn't suck. In fact, it was quite good. The one thing that I would suggest (besides clearing the typos, but you guessed that) is to make it clear ...

Yay! I didn't skim it this time! It's not one of those things that you can skim, understand. I think it's weird, but in a cool way. I also think ...

Hehe... ouch. Poor character! And that's a bad angel. Bad angel! Still, I did like it. Scary message though... He was beautiful--more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen before. I ...

Ah... dreams are so mysterious, no? My mind races behind sealed eyes, Unaware of the internal betrayal. Gears are turning, but nothing is apparent. This pretty much says it all. ...

Hmmm... I don't think this is flowing right. Poetry, even weird, fragmented poetry, usually has a lilt. So yes, you might have weird line breaks and everything, but the test ...

XD Hahaha... anytime where someone catches on fire is a good time! Still... I think you might want to work on the timing a little bit. Set us up for ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! That is, you already seem to be quite a member, but I haven’t had a chance to welcome you. ;) Now, for your story! ...

XD Max stated as he hoped on behind me. Do you mean "hopped"? And OMG! I love Dono's interjections and King Max's unbelievable idiocy of all things gremlin-like. XD Oh, ...

I liked the first one, but after a while, the scenes were so blurred that it didn't make sense. I suppose the main reason for this is the mysterious "her." ...

Oh, this is a delightful story! I've always loved fairy tales, and this is no exception. It's detailed, yet short. It has a potent moral, but it doesn't shove said ...

Hehe! Fun stuff! The main thing I can see is I would love to see more description of the place. Instead of telling us that it was in Atlantis, for ...

Hehe! I would so totally be the pig. :D Er... yeah. I think, for this case, third person would be better. With first person, you can go into how everything ...

The rest of you know what sections your in charge of. Should be this: The rest of you know what sections you're in charge of. "Who the heck are the ...

As you spill your soul out in toilets, Over groins and dinner tables and wherever Else the lusting lightening flashes for you. This part is kind of weird... either that, ...