Atlantis - ish

Okay. This is the begining of a children's novel I wrote ages ago and it somehow just doesn't click, work whatever... So I am hoping for some helpful advice on how to fix it.

Chapter 1.

Antrea sighed unhappily as she swam in between the coral clinging to the rocks. She had been warned not to enter the city again until she had found Kael’s dolphin. She had tried to explain it to Maamtra, her mother but Kael’s deafening cries had been so loud that nothing could be heard. All she wanted was to go for a short whirl on Fens back but he had been too strong and overpowered her.

“You shouldn’t have been near the dolphin ranch in the first place,” her Mother had said testily, and of course she was right.

Antrea lived in Atlantis. She was a mermaid, but not the kind of fairytale mermaids made up by sailors who spent too much time at sea. She had legs & hands like the normal person except that her toes and fingers were webbed. On her neck were gills and her hair was dark blue. Her purple tunic was frayed at the ends and her mood was anything but cheery.

“ Fens, where are you, this is no time for games!” she wailed.

Suddenly there was clicking from behind her. She spun around.

“ Fens, I’m going to kill you! Do you know how much trouble you have got me into?”

The Dolphin sprang out from behind a rock and sped of in the opposite direction, not seaming to care what happened to Andrea.

“ Get back here now!” she hollered tearing after the renegade dolphin. She twisted to avoid the jagged rocks of her underwater home. The clicking dolphin glided around on the ocean floor. Eventually Andrea managed to grab hold of its back. “You, You overgrown pike!” She hissed into the Dolphin blowhole. “ If you don’t behave yourself I’ll turn you into shark food!” The dolphin merely sounded a little squeak of exasperation. She struggled back home dragging the melancholic dolphin behind her.

The guard at the gate gave a snort of laughter when he saw Andrea dragging the disgusted looking dolphin behind her. “You found it then,” he chortled. Andrea stuck her nose in the air trying not to seem embarrassed.

Antrea lived in a sunken ship in the middle of the bustling city of Atlantis. She lived with her mother and Kael, her younger brother. When she got home Kael was waiting on the deck with a face like a sting ray. He let out a cry of delight when he saw Fens and roared for mama. Antrea rolled her eyes.

“ Where did you find her?” asked Mama arriving on the deck.

“ In the coral. She was hiding,” was the exasperated reply.

Mama laughed. Her eyes twinkled and her dark blue hair floated of behind her.

“Did anything interesting happen while I was away?” enquired Antrea.

“ Well Kallistos called, he mentioned something about a Tortoise?”

“ O great Zeus, he found it!!” exclaimed Antrea with a small jump.

“ Found what dear?”

“Nothing Mama. I’m going to see Kalli. I’ll be home later you later.” And with that she swam out the door.

*****************************

Antrea sped through the enchanted city so fast that people only saw the shower of bubbles trailing after her. Past the Argora’s, the Granary’s and the dolphin ranches she sped until she arrived at the very edge of Atlantis where she an ancient mansion rose from the sea bed. Its once beautiful walls had been reduced to nothing more than crumbling piles of rubble. She gently pushed open the neglected door shaking off the seaweed that had gathered around her bare feet. She shivered. In all Atlantis, this was the place she hated the most. This was where her rendezvous with Kallistos (or Kalli, for short) was to take place. She tapped her foot on the ground causing the sand to rise up and make the water surrounding her cloudy.

“ Antrea?” a voice called.

She jumped, causing the fog around her to become even denser.

A young boy entered the room. He was dressed in a dark brown torso. Around his waist he wore a belt on which were hooked a knife and a scarlet pouch. His dark green hair was knotted and his cheeks were red and flustered.

“ I’m sorry,” he gasped. “ I forgot…”

“ Did you get it,” Antrea interrupted.”

Kalli smiled.

“Maybe.”

“ Don’t be like that, I didn’t swim all the way over here for you to act all full of yourself.”

“ Ok, but if I did get it, why should I give it to you?” he snapped.

“ Well,” said Antrea thinking hard. “ Because I’m the only person you can give it to. You don’t really have dozens of friends have you?”

Kalli frowned. He knew she was right. He unhooked the pouch from his waist and stuck his hand inside. He pulled out a scarlet tortoise hanging from a golden chain. Its back was studded with gems which glittered stunningly in the dim light. Antrea gasped. Kalli, seeming impressed with the result, smiled.

“It has an inscription on the shell,” he hissed………

Thats it. Thanks for reading!!!