Premonitions

I liked the first one, but after a while, the scenes were so blurred that it didn't make sense.

I suppose the main reason for this is the mysterious "her." You only define the main character once, as a nine-year-old, and this is okay. But you forget about your character later and then there's a bunch of stream-of-conscious images that do NOT make sense.

Mind you, I don't mind streams, but without anywhere to go from, it doesn't make sense. Is this a second chapter of something else you've written?

Thanks, I've tried adding more description, and I've messed with a few scenes, so there's probably new mistakes, but oh well. I like this version better.

It is interesting. I haven't read the others but you tell the whole thing. I mean i tell a lot too but i try to show when i know i can. And there is little Dialouge between characters. No sublty. I know you could make this inot something haunting. The way yyou described the vision she had was frightening. very very frightening.

Many things could be expanded on. Descriptions would be nice. of course i haven't read any of the other parts of this series so i might have mised them.

So she ran, dodging panicking servants and fleeing nobles, until she was jerked her into a room.