Snoink

You can't just describe what is there. I mean, I love the beach and everything, but you gave us nothing human to connect it to until the last stanza. That's ...

This stanza irked me, mostly because it went close to navel-gazing: I wish we didn't have to hide from him, By sneaking out at night. He refuses to give "us" ...

I'm not convinced. If this is an argument, I would mark it down many many points because it just answers the questions without giving evidence or any reason why we ...

:D I was just listening to this! One of my favorite break is "Days Like This" which is excerpted and suddenly it goes into "Modern World." At first, when I ...

It's too abstract. Who is this old man, why does he deserve all this hate from the narrator? Since you don't describe what's going on, it leaves me apathetic. And ...

Yay! :D Thanks a lot! So... awesome and stuff. Emphasis on the stuff! :D Okay, okay, very morbid stuff. As in OMG, SUPERMORBID. Still! What I liked: I loved the ...

The following is the last chapter of Flames of Lecraesa which I have been worried over lately. It does not require too much explanation, and, even if you have not ...

OMG, Speak was one of the only books that I picked up in the bookstore and my mom literally had to rip it away from me, lol. It was totally ...

Give the first two stanzas an agonizing, horrible death. Please. They are the definition of navel-gazing . With that said, once those two stanzas are over, the rest of the ...

The main thing about this that makes me cringe is the ending. The ending has no conclusion. We don't know what his feelings are... in fact, she and he are ...

It had a good beginning and I liked the simplistic feeling of it, but the ending was too short and too long at the same time. Too short because the ...

Ahhh! Why did I not see this? *snuggles story* Hehehe... I may be sleep-deprived or something, but there were some things I didn't get. Did you and "Fucker" actually go ...

First thing I noticed was that your poem relied too heavily adjectives and adverbs. Looking back at the poem, it's not that there's a lot of adjectives or adverbs... in ...

I liked the beginning sentence because it made me interested in why she was curled on the branch of a tree. The rest was... meh. First of all, maybe it's ...

Hmmm... I think the rhyming is a little too forced for this to work. Also, instead of just telling us what is happening, show it to us. What images could ...