Snoink

Yay! I get the first critique! Or... at least, when I'm writing this, there are no critiques. Hehehe... now I feel special! :D As you requested, I will not spare ...

It was almost sunset when Kai was on his way him. He was excited about telling his mother the news. Finally they would be able to leave this hate filled ...

The prologue should probably be deleted and put away for future comic relief. ;) The first chapter is mucho bettero! With that said, I love how you talk about the ...

AHH! YOU WROTE! And not only did you write, but you wrote in a style that I love , love being used to mean, "OMG! SO COMPLETELY AWESOME!" I love ...

Er... if you want the poem to disappear, you can always click "edit" and then erase the poem, putting "Post Deleted" instead. Then you can ask one of us to ...

And they smiled and admired our finesse And you grinned back Take out an "and." And... the concluding stanza seems very random. Like, it doesn't really connect with anything else. ...

The first stanza is pretty and it helps you lead into the second stanza, which is good. Very good, because that means that I'll actually read the poem. The problem ...

I must agree with Jasmine! You totally overdid it on the adjectives, almost to the point where the poem became more about the adjectives that you were using and less ...

Okay, everybody, you know what you want to say! AWWWWW... Okay, now that that's done, I won't offer a really good critique (two years is a long time, after all!) ...

You need to come up with a better conclusion. Remember... you start off with a punch with poetry so you can catch your readers' attention. Then you say exactly what ...

Mwha. Now that your poems are not completely pretentious, I find myself liking them more and more. :P When my mother came looking for him, I was surprised as anyone ...

Um... okay, I know you're going to kill me and stuff, but I laughed at the last line because it was funny to me. (Well... I am slightly sick, so ...

Right now, you have a very abstract poem that have abstract images combined with abstract meanings. Try to spice it up with the concrete! Combine these images with humanity. Adding ...

You Died I once had a dream Where as hard as I tried I couldn't stop you from dying. I would wake up at school, They'd announce it in class ...

This is what we call a rant. That is, it goes on and on about the abuse of children and everything but... it's not really poetry. First of all, poetry ...