Pearly tears course down her face
And fine hair flaunts across her back.
The wintry smile fades from her mouth,
Pinch cheeked, red and blushing.
Tenderness ghosts my features
Forever, I clasp her close.
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140,572 Literary Works • 673,518 Reviews
The first stanza is pretty and it helps you lead into the second stanza, which is good. Very good, because that means that I'll actually read the poem. The problem is that your second stanza, you concluding stanza, is so short that, when I read it, I wondered if that was it. It didn't conclude right... there was no poignant punch or anything. Try adding more to it.
I'm not sure that this is finished. The description was vivid, but I don't think there was any sense of closure. I think that you need to develop your theme a bit more, and I agree with whence about trying to convey emotions. Try to go a little deeper, and flesh it out a bit more.
This...did nothing for me.
The girl's description was vague and generalized. It gave me no insight into who she was, or what this poem was even about.
Though unlike Claw, I liked 'ghosts'. So there :p
Try to actually do something with this, a seemingly pointless, vague description and two unemotional ending lines aren't exactly fulling, or even stimulating.
Work on conveying emotions, and more vivid, expressive, and unique imagery.
Good luck
Hey, haven't seen you around for a while.
I felt like there should have been a little more connection emotionally with the people in the poem. It made me (for lack of better words) sympathise rather than empathise. I know you can do it ^_^
A poem by Mad! I forgot how much I enjoyed you.
I expected this to be longer....
I have a few problems. With the word "Cheeked" it bothers me. That doesn't seem like a good verb. I just do not like that. I also don't like "Ghosts" that seem so wrong. You could use anything else. Also, should there be a period at the end of "features"?
This poem didn't do much for me, usually you have something good to them, but I think this time it was too short for me to like, and I couldn't visualize the girl, or bring out any emotions. Try cleaning it up, maybe lengthening it. Think on it.
I'm a little confused here. Whatever you're trying to get across to us, it's not working. But i love the wording and I could definitely picture the girl.