Divorce sucks

You need to come up with a better conclusion. Remember... you start off with a punch with poetry so you can catch your readers' attention. Then you say exactly what you want to say. Then you end with something completely startling that makes them want to run around and scream, "YES! THAT'S IT!" And this is what we call the poignant punch.

"I want to run away!" is not a poignant punch. First of all, it ends with an exclamation mark, which is a classic example of false enthusiasm. That is, you wanted to make it punchy so, instead of altering the word choice to make it really powerful, you decided to put an exclamation mark, hoping we wouldn't notice how weak your last line is. Well, guess what? It's very weak.

Work on the poem. What does divorce really feel like? Yes, we know it sucks, but what is so horrible about it that makes you want to run away? I would prefer a narrative poem about the narrator contemplating running away because divorce sucks then simply being told that divorce sucks. Try spicing up this poem with creativity.

And, once more, spell check is your friend. Love it, use it, and marry it.

Hope this helps!

If this is something you've actually experienced, make us feel it as you feel it. My parents are divorced, and what you've talked about in the poem touches on the confusion, frustration, and heartache that goes with your family being torn apart, but it's fairly stereotypical.

If this has happened to (is happening to) you, what has been the worst part? What's something little that you notice? Sometimes the thing that twists the knife in the heart just the right way, is the tiniest thing, that you would never think of otherwise. For me, it was waking up in the middle of the night, and wanting to go down to my parents bed and sleep in between them, but then remembering that there was only one parent in the bed. And now, it's not being able to remember what it was like to have two parents in the house. You don't hear that much when kids talk about divorced parents.

So try to delve deeper. Yes, divorce sucks, and you can be bold and brash in stating that, but try to present a new viewpoint as well. Sometimes it's a little easier when you can communicate to people how much it really does suck, and not in a superficial way. Good luck!

.......

Well, here is how I'd clean up the...err...mess:

Divorce sucks,
Yes it does.
Parents seperating,
Making you be [s]constantly[/s] on the move,
I wish there was something I could do,
It is all my fault.
I want to run away!

Nextly, I think you can take out the word "constantly" in L4, as you can see. It kind of throws off the feel, if you know what I mean.

Also, like I have said before, you didn't use capitilazation or punctuation. It makes the reader think "Oh, this person didn't even put work into this poem!" and if you are like me, I really don't want to even care about reading it because you didn't care, either! So remember SGaP-Spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

The subject is tough to write about, so maybe try finding a more easy, softer topic. Like colors! Will you write me a poem about colors? Please? It will help, I promise. I have had my great friend, Frankey, ask me to do that. I did, and she loved it and so did I! Of course you don't have to, but if you'd like to please do!

Like Whence said, the emotion sense in this poem is very low. I mean, poetry for lots of people is a way of being emotional. Put your true feelings in mature word onto a piece of paper. Make it into a poem using those words. This is a great technique of getting all of your feelings out.

Make sure to edit, and I think you can do a better job.

Good luck!!!

xxxx
Courtney

This poem is on a good topic but It didn't stir any emotion for me. Show us, don't tell us. Show us how the father in the poem starts drinking too much after the divorce, how bitter and angry the mother is, how angry you are at them and yourself. As a child of a divorce, I know the emotions and I know that this poem could be incredible. Good luck and keep editing.

This displayed the emotional range of a cupboard door. Did you learn about expressing yourself watching Degrassi? Be original! There's nothing here that I couldn't have found on the back of a cereal box. Poetry is above blunt ramblings, its above the prattle whines of navel gazing teens. If divorce means something to you, show us that. Make it means something to us, too.

Here's how to tidy it up first...

Divorce sucks,
yes it does.
Parents seperating,
so you are constantly on the move,
I wish there was something I could do;
it is all my fault.
I want to run away!

___________________
Other than that, it's short and you need to dealve deeper into the emotions involved so that the reader can feel the pain and anguish that comes with such a situation. Good luck with any improvement,

Heather xx

DragonWriter wrote:divorce sucks,
yes it does.
parrents seperating,
making you be constantly on the move,
i wishe there was somthingi could do,
it is all my fault.
I want to run away!

...

Well, for the minor notes: capitalization, typos, and probably spelling too. Read over your work before you post it, don't give us a messy thing to read, give us something that looks good.

As for the emotions, because a child of a divorced family, this doesn't capture it for me in one by. It's just kind of a very subtle observation of it, when really there is a lot more to it. You could have dug past the skin of the feelings, and you could have shown them stronger. Don't explain it, give us an event, show it to us.