Snoink

What is this referencing? Because right now it seems to be referencing a "Goddess" figure, and I'm not quite sure you wanted that. Besides, some of the lines don't really ...

This uses too many adjectives to really do justice to the scene. You have a bunch of movement -- it's playtime, no? So don't clutter it up with three adjectives ...

What a cute story! You're focusing too much on the words and not enough on the story. Look at the individual sentences, yes, but remember to tie it in with ...

The title was awesome... the rest simply droned on. Pick your favorite line (I suggest the one the title is named after) and describe it, using pretty imagery and concrete ...

Actually, I have to disagree with aeroman, for the first paragraph anyway. I think that, too often writers don't put any scenery in at all, just because they want action ...

Um, regular people suck. Why would I ever want to write something for those sods? You write something for me to enjoy, then maybe I will consider writing an ode ...

Eep, you spellchecked, it looks like, but you chose the wrong words, I think! Like, "Let the rears pour out your eyes." Read it a bit more carefully, edit your ...

This isn't really a story. This is more like an abstract introduction to something that might possibly be a story, if you squint a little. Flesh it out a little ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! I see you're one of those older members, so instead of chewing on the grammar and other nit-picky parts of the poem, I'll trust ...

Oooooo.... I liked this stanza: IV. Your life is Changing and you Don’t know why, The world is Screaming so You cry, cry, Cry. And I don't even know why. ...

Hello again! I think this poem would be much better than it is currently if you added some examples in it. :) For example, if I had an essay about ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I haven't really seen you yet... which is kind of sad really, but whatever! I think this poem would be much more powerful if you ...

My favorite of this poem was the first three lines: I am only a heresy, Wishing to end this pointless, endless dance And run off with the sky. Because it ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D I'm interested in this Anna character... perhaps, in this poem, you can add a little more back-story on her? Sort of like in "Lullaby" ...

Oooooh... I love the idea. Anything with colors makes me happy! I just love using symbolism and stuff for colors. My favorite part has to be this line, "They paint ...