Snoink

The title was awesome... the rest simply droned on. Pick your favorite line (I suggest the one the title is named after) and describe it, using pretty imagery and concrete ...

Actually, I have to disagree with aeroman, for the first paragraph anyway. I think that, too often writers don't put any scenery in at all, just because they want action ...

Um, regular people suck. Why would I ever want to write something for those sods? You write something for me to enjoy, then maybe I will consider writing an ode ...

Eep, you spellchecked, it looks like, but you chose the wrong words, I think! Like, "Let the rears pour out your eyes." Read it a bit more carefully, edit your ...

This isn't really a story. This is more like an abstract introduction to something that might possibly be a story, if you squint a little. Flesh it out a little ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! I see you're one of those older members, so instead of chewing on the grammar and other nit-picky parts of the poem, I'll trust ...

Oooooo.... I liked this stanza: IV. Your life is Changing and you Don’t know why, The world is Screaming so You cry, cry, Cry. And I don't even know why. ...

Hello again! I think this poem would be much better than it is currently if you added some examples in it. :) For example, if I had an essay about ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I haven't really seen you yet... which is kind of sad really, but whatever! I think this poem would be much more powerful if you ...

My favorite of this poem was the first three lines: I am only a heresy, Wishing to end this pointless, endless dance And run off with the sky. Because it ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D I'm interested in this Anna character... perhaps, in this poem, you can add a little more back-story on her? Sort of like in "Lullaby" ...

Oooooh... I love the idea. Anything with colors makes me happy! I just love using symbolism and stuff for colors. My favorite part has to be this line, "They paint ...

Hmm... well, the beginning doesn't really catch because "makes," "hate," "contemplate," and "aches" are so similar that at first I thought that you were using an aaaa format instead of ...

Love, you know you want to use the YWS spell checker. There are just too many misspellings in here! ;) I digress. The poem seems to be avoiding the Main ...

Wait... what is a space heater? But that's not the point! I think that the cat and the laptop are not that important to the poem... I like the mother ...