Published November 22, 2007
Many jewels are shown to those
who've come to see what they chose,
What those chosen come in many
and worth much more of your penny,
But those who spent their hard earned money,
Are nothing but a fool
for they are seeming to be a loon,
True jewels pour
from the windows to your soul.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,479 Literary Works • 674,504 Reviews
thanks! I'm so terrible at spelling!
I appreciate( did i spell it right?) how everyone is spotting my spelling mistakes and telling me how they are really spelled!
Ummm, you mispelled "Jewels" in the title. That's definitely a repellent to people who see this and might want to read it.
I also noticed an error here:
I would say change this to "Are nothing but fools" but then the syllables would be off... Its up to you to change it the way you like..
Anyway, you have an interesting idea and a pretty nice flow. Keep it Up!
~Lupis
Alright thanks. I still think I am getting better. I just hope I can do it.
Hello and welcome to YWS! I haven't really seen you yet... which is kind of sad really, but whatever!
I think this poem would be much more powerful if you decided to describe the jewels more. And then, in the ending you could describe the jewel that pours from the windows to your soul... whatever that is. And this is because you're using all this metaphorical language and you need to connect it with something real! So describe how the light reflects into the emerald. Describe how blue the sapphire is. Describe all this! And then describe what the jewel that pours from the windows to your soul really is. Because that's kind of confusing at the moment.
Good luck!