Snoink

You mean... a newbie I can [s]smother[/s] love with my critique? Yay! You have guts. :) I tried not to make it too harsh, but maybe it sounds that way? ...

Yay, this is a nice break from heroes randomly killing lots of people for revenge. :) What he saw changed his life. Instead of saying this, which is slightly tell-y, ...

Psh! If you've finished it, it's time to put it in manuscript format! This means, always double space after the sentences, put it in a monotype font (I like Courier), ...

Hehe, don't we love beginnings that may never be completed? :) Anyway! Things to keep in mind in the future: You can't just eat deer. I mean, I guess you ...

Interesting beginning! You should make it longer because right now it's really sweet in a demented way, which I really like. I like the boy and his father and the ...

Haha, this is ooooold! Anyway! It's a cool beginning and reminds me of "Stranger than Fiction." And you should continue it. Because it's cool like that. :)

Hello! First of all, welcome to YWS, seeing as I've never seen you before and stuff. Next of all, I read your chapter! Exciting? I think so! I don't want ...

“Mr. Benedict, are you over here?” "Over there" sounds more natural. Oh, Hell. I’d known they’d find me soon enough. But damn. Any reason for the curses besides just because? ...

Haha, printers are worth more than people any day! Just a little side note on lube and eating it by itself: there was this time where a bunch of friends ...

Oh God... this has got to be the best thing I've read on YWS for a while, and it's definitely the best thing by you I've seen. It's so innocent ...

I think you use too many adjectives. :P Observe! A mass of dejections Printed on the window in the stain Of hands, smearing the light. A shame, pouring from the ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I’ve just written some notes on your poem, so maybe that will help? How can I breathe With such strong emotions

Hahaha, slightly repetitious, but it's cute! And I like the metering. But just in case, I just want to note that you don't have to rhyme everything. That's a misconception ...

I look at my reflection in the mirror and it weeps though I do not. These lines are flipping amazing! You should use them to your full advantage. :D I ...

I think you're focusing too much on the rhyme and not enough on the story. Give us full details on the juicier parts of what is happening as this poem ...