Published March 15, 2008
A young boy moved slowly up the rocky hillside, stumbling occasionally under his small burden. His father looked down from the crest of the hill, down past his boy to the valley below. His gaze was wistful, sorry that he was in this situation, sorry that his son had been dragged into it.
His son joined him, then also turned back to look upon the only home he had ever known. “Will we ever come back Father?” he asked innocently, looking up into his sire’s weathered face.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know” he turned and suddenly realized the sun was almost showing above the far horizon. “Come we must go. They mustn’t find us here.” And with that they quickly made their way down the slope and into the dense forest at its base.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh well this is an interesting one. I haven't seen a start quite like this one before. It seems we've got this boy here that's just sort of tagging along with his father on some sort of journey here that doesn't seem like it bodes particularly well for either of them judging by the comment that this father makes here. It certainly does a great job of opening up this prologue here as it gets your attention quite quickly.
Hmm it seems they are also sort of abandoning their old home in pursuit of whatever goal this happens to be and well things are certainly on an interesting role there with that particular direction. It adds on beautifully to what we have going at the start I think and now it becomes even more curious where this is headed.
Well we have a mention of a mysterious "they" as well here. Things are most definitely heating up there. It does appear that we've got some pretty exciting times lined up for us here...and I am loving where this is currently headed. Well it does certainly make for a pretty fitting ending to this situation here and I'd say on the whole this is a pretty solid prologue that does its job pretty well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yes, very, very short. If it is this short, are you sure that your story needs a prologue at all? I mean, we didn't get very much information at all and what you have here (a boy and father leaving their home, probably never to return) could be integrated somewhere else.
~GryphonFledgling
Well.... I don't have much to say. It was too short for me to make much of a critique, but from what I read, I can tell you that you did a great job so far. I'm interested and will await the wrest.
Interesting beginning! You should make it longer because right now it's really sweet in a demented way, which I really like. I like the boy and his father and the hopelessness that the father feels, etc. I just wish that it was more in depth and you continued on more.
So add on to it!
Comma would be good after "back". And "he" should be capitalized.
Would be better as something like: “I don’t know. I just don’t know,” His father answered heavily. He turned and suddenly realized the sun was almost showing above the far horizon. “Come, we must go. They mustn’t find us here."
I felt that this was too short. We were not given nearly enough to form an opinion on the plot, or characters, or even the setting. What you do have isn't bad, but if there were more that would be better.