[pre]I look at my reflection in the mirror
and it weeps though I do not.
The skys are dark and the weather dreary,
though I am all alone, nearly having to restrain myself
while indoors as to refrain from inducing physical harm.
My friend are deeply concerned and wish to abet me,
yet I shun them away.
Without you, I am all too emotionally distraught.
There is no love in my heart for the one that brought me joy
and warmed my heart was there one minute and gone the next.
Things were none but good.
Though the vibrations of this vehicle's might is far from nonexistent,
I feel not but your pain.
Your broken heart and unforgivable let-down
compells deep sorrow within me.
I can no longer feel as one with you
nor feel your ever emotion as I once did.
For through your untimely demise,
we have inevitably grown apart;
but the memory of you shall be instilled upon this shallow heart
until that moment in which it will evoke that final enthrawling beat.[/pre]
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I look at my reflection in the mirror
and it weeps though I do not.
These lines are flipping amazing! You should use them to your full advantage.
I mean, and don't take this wrongly because I still love you and everything, but you can make this poem super awesome if you spent more time building up this image. At the moment, you have this awesome imagery and then you go on to some cliched thing about not being accepted, cliched scene between friend, etc. I think it would be a whole lot more interesting if you described what else was happening in the mirror, since the reflection would be more "real" than the actual person and GEEP! So symbolic and pretty!
Anyway, have fun editing!
A few words come to mind: confusing, cliche, emo, and even more confusing. I have a feeling you're trying to say something meaningful, but it looks like you thought using words like "abet" and "naught" would convey your emotions. I get this impression that you're trying to sound old fashioned from how you've worded some of this, and old fashioned poetry is great. This sounded too...forced, I suppose is the word. It sounded like you were straining for elevated language and you lost the raw emotion I'm sure you were going for. Next time, pay attention to both aspects of the work, instead of honing in on just one (too much of either is "bad for you") like you did with the vocabulary. I hope I'm making sense here...
I also saw a lack of imagery and metaphor. Sure there was the assorted image you threw in here and there, but poetry has to paint a picture in my mind, and here you didn't do that. I can't reiterate enough how distracting the language was, I got lost halfway through because I was so focused on it. I know I'm just repeating myself, but I'm still trying to convey the effect it had on me. I'm confusing myself, actually, so I suppose I'll stop here... I hope this review wasn't TOTALLY useless....
"Skys" should be "skies."
"My friend are deeply concerned" should be "My friends are deeply concerned."
The word "abet" there is just... awkward.
Actually, the language of this is all awkward. I understand that you're trying to use a more formal tone, but at least use it consistently, yes? As it is, it feels more like random 'sophisticated' words thrown in to impress us--you know, the usual reason young poets use highfalutin language. Prove me wrong, please--I know you can. =)