Snoink

Er... spew is a good word for this. You really need to focus your writing. Exactly what do you want to say? After figuring that out, say it. And that's ...

Closer! :D At any rate, it's a bajillion times better than the other draft. First of all, this paragraph makes no sense: "Bellezza hummed. No one fell in love in ...

Quick typo alert! all bright and shiny, and a with really nice behind ^ should be: all bright and shiny, and with a really nice behind This is a weird ...

I love you and everything but... uh... I didn't get this. I got confused with the abundant similes and I wasn't sure whether there was a war or not and ...

This is a bit too tell-y. That is, you tell us about your mask and everything, but you really don't make us sense anything. Instead of just telling us about ...

Oh my gosh... something with good grammar? And a hook? And an actual character? Amazing! :D So! You have an interesting premise. Now... I think it might be better if ...

The smaur writes! :o Okay! So this isn't going to be a proper critique because a proper critique requires actual in depth analysis thingies, but who cares? :P (Plus it ...

Haha, okay, I might as well throw in my two cents too. :) First of all, I think you use the word "drink" a bit too much here. Every other ...

If you want to put mathematical equations, you have to make the numbers meaningful. Why log(48)? It's like you put a bunch of numbers from your textbook without thinking of ...

Yay! I am not the only one who writes crappy physics poems in a cram session! XD Except your poem seems a lot better than mine. Anyway! I don't like ...

Blood isn't ketchup? I disagree. Read: Oda al tomate por Pablo Neruda La calle se llenó de tomates, mediodia, verano, la luz se parte en dos mitades de tomate, corre ...

You're going to want to describe exactly what this journey is and how it takes her back in the same place. That's an interesting sort of story, mind you, and ...

It seems really random. At first, you have leaves and I thought you were going to tie that in with the imagery at the end, but you don't. Instead, you ...

Poetry is not having every couple of words spaced like this. In fact this is annoying to read and there's really no poetry involved. No, seriously, line breaks are not ...

How old are these people? They seem to be in high school since they act like awkward teenagers to each other, yet they are dealing with hearts and whatnot, so ...