Young Writers Society

[pre]forget those people they have no idea what they are talking about loooooooove your poem it is dramatic ok...i am going to tell you what your poem means in reality the way i see it.

I see that my boyfriend and i are having tough situations it's making me have headaches so we decide to see other people but that it don't work cause although I found another boyfriend I ended up in the same situation again.


Or let's see another way to put it...........................oh no that's it.......OH........no.....ok I GOT IT....what was i saying oh now i remember1!!


My boyfriend and i are having tough situations it's making me have headaches so we decide to see other people but that it don't work cause although I found another boyfriend I ended up in the same situation again. lol!!!!!!! don't you get it while i was pretending not to remember i actually came back to the one at first that's what describes your poem.


(Actually I was going to say something but then I thought of that while i was saying that oh.......no......ok stuff) lol[/pre]

First I shall say: Show don't tell! Explain why you had to get away, make us feel it all. This isn't a poem as it lacks what a lot of poems have. Langauge techniques, no metaphors, similes, personification or alliteration. You give us no reason to care. It's just all me, it would be navelgazing if it was poetry.

Now, I agree with the others about reading other poetry. You need to explain this all better. Try reading the greats or looking on here. From what Karina said you could make this really great if worked on better.

Overall: Scrap this and read more poetry.

Good luck
VSN

You're going to want to describe exactly what this journey is and how it takes her back in the same place. That's an interesting sort of story, mind you, and you can do a lot with it since, let's face it, people who end up doing the same thing again and again are really interesting. Otherwise, the "Dear Abby" column wouldn't be so popular. So how does she try to get off this path and how does she fall back again? Stick that in the poem somewhere in a poetic fashion, and you've got it made!

Hope that helps!

Hi and welcome to YWS! I agree with everyone here, your poem kind of takes us nowhere; it starts and ends in the same place, if you know what I mean. And remember to post reviews before posting your other work!

Just tell me if you want to get reviews from me!

I second Colly. ^^ Make reviews, spread the love! Welcome to YWS, as well. Why not post in the welcome section, if you haven't yet?

This poem doesn't say a lot, and in fact what it is saying could be said in less words than you have here. "I ran to get away from somewhere I didn't particularly like but I'm still there." Actually, it's still a lot of words, but you see my point: the idea behind the poem is bland.


When I was your age (and this is no attack on your age, or young people. That's why I say "when I was your age"--I was like this too!) I didn't read poetry and I didn't know what poetry was. It helps, a lot, to read poetry and see what poetry really is. Often times we just think of it as random words strung together in random lines. Our English teachers fool us into believing this, and unless you take a literature class in later years, or read poetry on your own, you'll forever think this. Poetry is a lot more than words. At the heart of poetry is an idea, a feeling, a thought. You want to give that idea, feeling, thought, whatever it be to the reader through the use of metaphor, imagery (using all five sense), and sound devices. Your best bet to becoming a better poet is to first read poetry and study it. Perhaps find one of those books "Poetry for Dummies" or "Poetry for Idiots". (Again, No insult! I own this book too. ) It explains the basics of poetry, and will really help you understand what you are going for.

If you don't want to buy poetry books, there are many good poets on this site I suggest you read, including but certainly not limited to: Incandescence, Sam, Fandilocks, Via, Melja, Whence, and Cade, who made a comment above. I hope this helped, and if you have any questions, feel free to pm me.

Hi! Welcome to YWS! Hope you're having fun here! As for your poem, I think it lacks some emotion, and imagery as well.

You never told us where the person was running from, nor described it. When you said "i had to get out," it left us clueless. Even though you said 'captives', it could mean many different things, either physical captivity or emotional captivity.

This poem was rather blunt, so try to spice it up a little! Good luck!

it held me hostage

for too long

Hey ejbrown, I see you haven't written any critiques yet, but you have posted your own piece already. YWS usually requests that you do TWO critiques before posting new work, so please get to that! People will be more inclined to review their work if you take a look at theirs.

That's about all, and welcome to YWS! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
-Colleen