Published May 7, 2008
Energy—motion—energy—
the pen an applied force,
electrons circling an unstable nucleus.
This is not my method of discovery;
yet my eyes follow the curves,
the loops, dots, and dashes
we've made to finally unwrap the world.
Still stuck on getting back into the garden.
Not sure where the energy's taking us next.
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Canary word: Present
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Haha, thanks, Snoink. I don't much care for it. It was written during physics class (the AP is next Monday and I'm gonna die). Thank you for correcting me on the nucleus issue...see how little I know?
Yay! I am not the only one who writes crappy physics poems in a cram session! XD Except your poem seems a lot better than mine.
Anyway!
I don't like line three that much because the nucleus is actually pretty stable... most chemical reactions only use the electrons. Instead, I would use the adjective "unstable" to describe the electrons and I would use another word, such as "throbbing" to describe the nucleus.
I don't like the ending. I would rather end with the second to last line because it carries more punch. However, it needs to be revised to be a bit more concise and wittier.
Anyway, I like it!