Shasta

Thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate them (whatever it is you think of what I'm writing!) but I also think that rhyming is becoming about as ...

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful critiques and comments. I'll make sure to take everything that was said into consideration.

Thanks to both of you for your comments and constructive criticism. This poem is subject to individual interpretation, and the line "Perhaps too gently, some might say" could be considered ...

Hmm, really? Thank you all for your comments and I will thoroughly consider them. Not many poems are written in this style, and I was experimenting a little. Thanks!

And I proof read this too! I must have been really out of it yesterday evening. I never write my poetry with the puctuation already in place, in fact yesterday ...

Just wondered if anyone had any comments.

I thought it was excellent. And, xanthan gum, that's not a double negative, however much it may look like one!

If you want it to rhyme, at least fix the plural issue with weep and seeps. I simply think that you don't have a good rhythm down and are just ...

Thank you! I wrote it months ago...

Thanks for the help!

Do you think something more like this for my second stanza would be better? And so my heart rebuilds, rewords, What I've thought many times before. From cities to the ...

You're probablly right. One thing's for sure, my second stanza certainly seems to be the worst. Oh, and when I say "So is the world, I think again" I'm referring ...

I liked it, but I do think that the single rhyme in the last stanza really interupted the flow. I think if you changed the poem so it didn't rhyme ...

No, problem! I think it turned out nicely.

Thanks!